༺ Confession ༻
She was performing Portia’s monologue from Shakespeare’s <The Merchant of Venice>.
“The contract mentions not a single drop of blood. It only specifies ‘a pound of flesh,’ so take exactly one pound of flesh, as per the contract.”
Although her voice was clear, and she no longer seemed to shrink under the gaze of the audience…
“However, should you spill even a drop of blood in the process, all your estates and possessions will be forfeited to the state by the laws of Venice. Proceed, but remember that not a drop of blood may be shed.”
Her immersion in the role was lacking, diminishing the value of her performance as ‘acting’.
“You must cut precisely one pound of flesh. No more, no less. If the scales tip even by the weight of a single hair, you will face execution.”
Yoomyeong watched Seol Soo Yeon’s performance intently. The captivating engagement that once drew him in as a fan of her acting was nowhere to be felt.
Why was that?
On the day of the Rococo shoot, she embodied the role of a girl who lived alone in an empty castle with his help. Back then, there was definitely a trace of the acting prowess expected of Seol Soo Yeon, Korea’s A-list actress.
Miho, who was also watching her, asked.
{Didn’t you say that she went to see your rehearsal for Jekyll and Hyde at Oedipus?}
‘Yeah. She left in the middle of the practice and I didn’t hear from her after that.’
{You’re really indifferent, kyung. She’s quite attractive, you know.}
‘Uh… I was too caught up in preparing for the show at the time… And I wasn’t interested in her that way.’
As they chatted and watched her act, her performance came to an end.
“That was Portia’s monologue from ‘The Merchant of Venice’. Thank you.”
Clap clap clap—
A few people clapped half-heartedly.
“She looks pretty, doesn’t she?”
“I’m curious about the person behind the mask. You can tell that she’s definitely beautiful just by looking at her eyes.”
“Should we ask for her number?”
Noticing that the boys were more interested in other matters than the performance, Yoomyeong approached her as she was packing up. The boys then reluctantly left after sensing the confident approach of a distinctive man, thinking he was with her.
“You’re Soo Yeon, right?”
“…Huh?”
“How are you?”
“Yes…? How did you…? I’ve enjoyed your movies and dramas.”
“It’s nice to see you after a long time. Do you have time for a drink?”
They headed to the second floor of a McDonald’s in Daehak-ro.
Yoomyeong brought her a cold cola as she sat on a corner table.
“Do you still get drunk on cola? Haha.”
“Um… I’m a little okay with it now.”
She awkwardly smiled, taking a sip of the cola, and then stared at Yoomyeong in disbelief.
Her eyes were filled with admiration.
“Is it okay for you to be out alone like this? You’re a star.”
“I’m not that famous yet. But, why are you here…? Didn’t you have an agency?”
“Ah… I left after my contract ended, so I’m independent now.”
“…How come…?”
It was probably because of the cola, or maybe due to the good memories she had with Yoomyeong, that he gradually opened up about her situation.
*
— Why are you so stiff? You’ll ruin today’s shoot if you keep acting like that.
— What are we supposed to do if they send us someone who hasn’t even been trained properly?! We can’t work with Ga-on Entertainment in the future!
— Hey! Can’t you act properly? Where did they even find someone so bad with the basics?
Soo Yeon’s agency wasn’t exactly unscrupulous, but it was a small entertainment company with a poorly organized system. She received basic acting training for about a month before being sent to various auditions and roles. At first, she got some acting roles. However…
She didn’t realize that she had stage fright.
Since her childhood, she spent a lot of time alone in her room, her only companions being the TV and books. She would watch movies broadcast on weekends with rapt attention, imitate the actors on TV, or play alone by imagining herself as a character from one of her books.
In her imagination, she could go anywhere and be anything.
But once she became an actress, she faced an unexpected problem.
Unlike when she was alone, she couldn’t act in front of others.
Terrified by the gaze of others which seemed to be measuring her worth, she couldn’t immerse herself naturally in her roles.
— Videos won’t work. Let’s move to photography. What’s the use of a pretty face if you’re like a robot that can’t even do the bare minimum of acting?
As her manager sighed heavily, about to give up on her as an ‘actress’, Rococo picked her up.
During the days when being scolded and criticized became her daily routine and she felt noticeably shrunk, she met Yoomyeong at the Rococo shooting site.
— Let’s draw a single, white dot in your mind.
A very pure, white dot that seemed to annihilate any memory or information that was sucked into it.
A comforting voice led her, trustworthy and solid.
— And finally… your friend has arrived. Now, slowly open your eyes.
Chasing after the addictive voice, she found herself immersed with the girl in the Rococo photoshoot.
It was a strange feeling to observe herself become someone else from within.
And that day’s shoot was fantastic.
It was her first experience in acting with an audience and a partner.
The first time she heard the praise ‘It’s amazing’ after a shoot.
Her intense experience that day deeply engraved the actor Shin Yoomyeong in her mind as a kind of savior.
She thought she had gotten the hang of it. It seemed like she could do it in the future, too.
But when she realized that she was no different from before without Yoomyeong’s guidance, she felt utterly frustrated.
The success of <Rococo> brought her more offers, and for the first time, her agency praised her.
However, she continued to ruin the shoots she went on.
Realizing that “It’s not that I can’t do it at all” made her even more miserable compared to before.
Eventually, she sought out Yoomyeong.
There, she saw the members of <Oedipus> acting seriously and realized that the actor who had guided her was shining the brightest among them as he acted passionately.
She felt ashamed.
She had relied too easily on the help of others without even trying her hardest to reach their level of skill.
Afterwards, she worked hard and even harder.
She managed to act reasonably well even under the gaze of others and, although she didn’t make a lot of money for her agency, she didn’t cause any losses, either.
And when her contract expired this year, she didn’t renew it.
She declared that she wanted to start from the basics, overcome her problems, and become a real actor step by step and not just remain as a commercial entertainer. After enduring the ridicule of her agency, she was finally let go.
The reason she did not give up her desire to act despite the limits was because:
“You like acting, don’t you?”
As if he knew everything, that question pierced right through her true feelings.
*
Strangely enough, she found it easy to open up to him.
Was the experience which broke her shell that deeply rooted in her mind?
She blushed with embarrassment after finishing her story, but he wasn’t looking at her and seemed to be lost in thought.
‘He’s become even cooler… now that he’s famous, it’d probably be a nuisance if he was photographed with someone like me…’
Though she decided to try harder on her own and didn’t contact Yoomyeong again, Soo Yeon watched every performance he was in.
As she cried and laughed at Bohyung in <Showbiz Studies> and watched <Ballerina High> dozens of times, she realized how incredible it was to have been connected to such a remarkable person.
He seemed like a star who had flown to a different world, far from someone like her.
If they hadn’t met by chance today, she wouldn’t have had the courage to contact him first.
After being lost in thought for a while, Yoomyeong raised his head and asked Soo Yeon.
“Did you choose ‘The Merchant of Venice’ because of Comet’s performance?”
“Yes, I thought that I could see where I was lacking after practicing on my own and then comparing it to Comet’s performance.”
“Didn’t you go to an acting school?”
“No… I couldn’t afford it, so…”
“Have you considered auditioning for a theater troupe?”
“I’m not skilled enough for that yet.”
Not at all. Yoomyeong had already seen the potential in her acting.
She might lack the basics, but her deep immersion had made even that forgettable during that photoshoot two years ago.
Her problem—perhaps something that interfered with her immersion—seemed to be elsewhere.
And it didn’t seem like something that could be overcome just with acting practice.
What could it be? Yoomyeong couldn’t easily make a conclusion.
“Since you were going to watch it anyway, do you want to watch it together today?”
“The Comet performance?”
“Yes. I got two tickets.”
Yoomyeong smiled as he showed her the tickets.
[[<Comet> Theater Troupe’s Autumn Regular Performance [The Merchant of Venice] 18:00]]
The tickets were gifted by Lee Seon-ha, who played Portia in this performance.
Seeing them, Soo Yeon nodded eagerly, albeit shyly.
*
“Hello~”
“Yoomyeong! Over here.”
After the performance, familiar faces gathered. Lee Seon-ha, Yoon Hansung, Ban Hye-Seon, Shin Suho, and Woo Jun-ho were there, along with the members of Oedipus, who were always a welcome sight.
Their curiosity was piqued when Yoomyeong arrived with an unfamiliar person.
“Wow~ What’s this? Is this Yoomyeong’s girlfriend?”
“What? You’ve been keeping a relationship secret even from your hyung? No way…”
“Wait, isn’t this the person who visited our rehearsal before…?”
“Suho’s memory is no joke.”
“I always remember beautiful people! Please, have a seat here.”
“I brought her because she wanted to see Seon-ha after today’s performance.”
Soo Yeon sat down awkwardly. While Yoomyeong explained how they ended up watching the show together, her gaze was fixed on one person.
“Huh? Do you have something to say to me?”
As Seon-ha smiled and asked, Soo Yeon hesitated before finally speaking up.
“Your portrayal of Portia was so impressive. I really, really enjoyed watching it.”
“Wow, thank you. Are you an actor, too?”
“Ah… yes… I’m still an aspiring actress.”
Yoomyeong silently chuckled as she referred to herself as an ‘aspiring’ actress.
Despite spending years with an agency, she still considered herself an aspiring actor because she hadn’t ‘properly acted’ yet, reflecting her humble attitude.
“Wow. With that face, you’ll shoot straight to stardom when you debut. Should I get your autograph now before you debut?”
“I should be the one getting it. How could you portray Portia so realistically? I was awestruck throughout the performance.”
“Ah… I’ve always liked acting, but I owe a lot to this friend here.”
Seon-ha put an arm around Yoomyeong, who was sitting beside her, and laughed.
“This young one here is annoyingly good at acting. After filming a movie with him, I felt like something changed in me too. Experiencing how my colleagues perceive my reactions made my actions more natural, I guess.”
Yoomyeong didn’t deny it and just smiled, prompting Seon-ha to playfully hit him on the arm.
“Stop smiling, it’s infuriating. How much more of a monster will you become when you grow up?”
“But I wasn’t smiling.”
“Yes, you were.”
Soo Yeon watched with envy as the members of Oedipus bickered.
Friends, colleagues, and people who were walking the same path.
She had never had such companions.
Soo Yeon envied the person who naturally fit in among them.
To someone who was performing so impressively at such a young age and receiving recognition for it, her own concerns must’ve seemed so distant to him.
She sat with them for about an hour, silently absorbing the air of friendship that felt so wholesome even when she just listened to them.
The conversation, light and filled with laughter, would suddenly deepen when shifting to acting. Their wide-ranging knowledge and firm worldviews clashed and merged, ultimately reaching harmony.
‘I’m really… envious.’
If she had even one friend to share her acting dilemmas with, then maybe she wouldn’t feel so lost. Unable to drink alcohol, she downed her cola, feeling slightly upset.
“I should get going now.”
“But why? Stay a bit longer. Did we talk too much about ourselves?”
“No, it was really fun! But I have to go now. Thank you for today.”
It was enjoyable, but it wasn’t her place.
Feeling like staying any longer would be burdensome, she got up to leave. Yoomyeong followed her out to the bar’s entrance.
And then,
“Would you like to practice with me for a while when you have the time?”
Yoomyeong’s suggestion was so unexpected that it felt like the cola in her body fizzed up.
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