༺ Entanglement (4) ༻
1.
They left the cabin and ventured past the grove of the oyster trees, treading on a path that led them eastward to a meadow.
After walking for approximately thirty minutes, they arrived at a low hill.
This particular hill was comfortable to sit on, allowing them to catch their breaths. It was also adorned with dense clusters of vibrant blue wild barley that had survived the previous winter.
As they were untouched by human hands, they spread out in every direction, proudly displaying their lively emerald leaves that danced in the wind.
Amelia and Siwoo set up their easels, leaning them against a tree in the middle of the hill.
To prevent the mountain breeze from blowing away their canvases, they fastened them to the wooden boards in front of their easels before they began painting.
Amelia drew her lines in silence, skillfully capturing the scenery before her on the canvas.
Although there were numerous picturesque spots near the cabin that would make excellent subjects for her paintings, this place was her favorite place.
However, even though this was supposed to be a fun picnic with Siwoo, she found herself putting down and picking up her pencil restlessly.
The reason for this was Siwoo, who, not only was unusually silent, he also had only been staring at the canvas blankly.
“Siwoo.”
“…”
“Siwoo.”
“…Yes, Ms. Amelia?”
Even when she called out to him, he avoided making eye contact with her.
He only absentmindedly stroked his pencil across the white canvas, creating meaningless lines.
Of course, Amelia wasn’t stupid.
She had a clear understanding of his condition and the present circumstances.
“Are you hungry? You didn’t have breakfast, did you?”
“I’m fine.”
When she uttered those words…
She couldn’t shake the overwhelming sense of anxiety she felt when speaking to him. Something was telling her that this beautiful dream would shatter into pieces without as much as a warning.
“I added plenty of salmon for today’s lunch. You like them, don’t you?”
“Like I said, I’m fine. I don’t have much of an appetite.”
Amelia bit her lower lip.
Her anxiety and restlessness intertwined, prompting her heart to beat faster.
She tried her best to maintain her usual tone, the same one she had always used whenever she was talking with him in their daily lives.
“I’ve told you before, Siwoo. When you hold the pencil, use your finger— Ah!”
When she was about to guide Siwoo’s hand to hold the pencil correctly, her arm was violently thrown away by his intense resistance.
Taken aback by his forceful reaction, she could only stand there, stunned.
She couldn’t make sense of what had just transpired.
“I-I’m sorry. Did I get you angry again? Are you still angry because of what happened yesterday?”
Siwoo’s hand, which was holding the pencil, trembled slightly.
Amelia once again brought up various topics of conversation, as if nothing had happened.
“You must be very upset… I also think I was too reckless…I’m genuinely reflecting on it… Sorry… You can vent your anger at me…”
“…”
“Or maybe you feel something uncomfortable about your body? Do you want to go back and rest?”
She thought that by doing this, she’d be able to act as if nothing happened.
As if the dreaded day she had desperately tried to postpone would never arrive.
At this moment, Siwoo turned his gaze towards Amelia for the first time.
In response, she shut her eyes, pretending not to notice.
Because his gaze was cold, like ice water.
In her mind, while he might appear calm, the slightest provocation might result in an outcome she would never want to see.
Amelia bit her lip, suppressing the urge to cry before she continued to speak.
She forced a wistful smile to appear on her face.
“When we get home, let’s have tea together… Do you want some milk tea with scones? Oh, I also bought some butter from Tarot Town the day before yesterday.”
The more she spoke, the more she realized that her hope had dissipated like bubbles.
“After that, let’s read books until dinner. We can study magic together. You love that, don’t you? After dinner, what do you think about watching the stars together? You used to like that, didn’t you? Lying on the roof…”
She kept talking about the happy day that would probably never come.
“It’s been a while since we slept together. Now that you’ve grown up, the bed may be a bit cramped, but I will make room for you. And then…and then…”
‘And then…what…?’
‘What happens next…?’
-Drip
Despite the tears flowing out of Amelia’s yes, Siwoo’s expression remained unchanged.
“I know… I already know…”
Siwoo, who used to come running to her with a look of worry whenever he found her slightly distressed, the boy who’d gently console her when she was crying, was no longer there.
“You’ve remembered everything…”
“Yes, Associate Professor Amelia Marigold.”
And so, her selfish dream had come to an end.
2.
Amelia slumped down on the spot while Siwoo was looking down at her.
He felt as if his heart was being torn apart.
Amelia was someone who was more precious to him than anyone else, and she was crying because of his cold behavior.
This made his chest tightened.
He wanted to lower himself, hold her and comfort her.
Embrace her small body in his arms, stroke her head and reassure her that everything was okay.
Because that was what she had done for him.
She had always pampered his young self, showing him a simple world, yet it was filled with beauty and happiness. Always brought a smile to his face and stir his heart.
And that was why…
He couldn’t forgive her.
Amidst of his tangled memory of her.
Her smiles and her laughs.
Within the murky blend of emotions, he…
Loved her…
And at the same time, hated her…
“Why did you do that?”
“Hic…”
Amelia was about to say something, but she could only utter pathetic sobs.
Siwoo tried to grab for his cigarettes out of habit.
But he couldn’t find them.
And so, he only nervously tugged at his own collar.
With a forced, slightly higher pitched voice, he confessed.
“You were right, Ms. Associate Professor. I have recovered all my memories. Everything came flooding back the moment I woke up this morning.”
He pulled her arm.
Like a limp puppet with its strings cut, Amelia rose unsteadily at his urging, guided by his hand.
“I’ve been struggling to come to a decision. Imagine, someone you’ve loved and respected all your life, suddenly became someone you detested the most overnight.”
If only…
He hadn’t lost his memory…
If only…
Amelia hadn’t been so kind to him…
If only…
She had remained as the hateful Amelia he had always known…
If only…
He hadn’t developed any feelings towards her…
At the very least, he wouldn’t have been consumed by this overwhelming sense of betrayal.
If only he hadn’t experienced the heart-rending ache that seemed to melt his very soul, when he witnessed Amelia’s anguished expression…
Perhaps, his hatred towards her wouldn’t be this deep…
“I’ve thought about it… Can’t we just move on? Can’t we just forget everything that happened in the past? If not… This damn feeling… This confusion that’s making me feel like throwing up… This feeling of betrayal… I’d be pressed to repay it… Hundreds…thousands of folds…”
He couldn’t understand Amelia’s intentions.
Why did she suddenly show her kindness to Siwoo, who had lost his memories and reverted to being a child?
He couldn’t grasp the purpose behind her actions.
What he wanted to do was to repay her…
And ease the quivering pain of betrayal that made him grit his teeth.
To extinguish the feeling of loss he felt, over the fact that the person he trusted more than anyone else became the one he loathed the most.
He wished for her to feel the pain and the hollowness that consumed him.
“But that isn’t possible. I can’t go that far…”
However, he was unable to do it.
He couldn’t bring himself to do it.
In his right eye, where an icy coldness resided, there were bloodshot veins that added to the eeriness of his gaze.
As he held on to the feeble figure of Amelia, who was barely able to stand as she stumbled…
“That’s why, convince me… Why… Why did it have to be me who had to suffer through this shit?! Why did you suddenly pretend to be nice? Why did you mess with my emotions?! Why did you make me confused like this?!”
“Siwoo—”
“Let go of me!”
Amelia’s pitifully outstretched hand weakly fell away from his arm.
She could only freeze in a daze, not because of the pain, but out of fear. Because of his fierce gaze, filled with intense resentment and hatred.
“Do you still think I don’t remember anything?”
“S-Siwoo, please, I-I’ll explain everything… Please, don’t be angry…”
For some reason, her trembling and fearful appearance disgusted him.
After all, this was the first time he had ever seen her like this.
She had always looked at him with a cold expression, with an icy gaze that held no mercy while relentlessly pushed him into troublesome situations.
That was why he felt like her current attitude was a facade.
Regardless of what the truth may be, even if she was somehow changed because she nearly lost a valuable assistant…
He couldn’t simply accept it.
The two different sides of Amelia he had seen refused to merge within his mind.
He knew that a slave should have never acted rudely toward a witch.
Engaging in an emotional clash with Amelia, a 22nd ranked witch in the hierarchy, while showing her such disrespect was the equivalent of walking on eggshells.
However, he didn’t care.
Compared to the anger and betrayal he felt, the weight of his life was as light as a feather.
Amelia stumbled forward and embraced him.
She forcefully dug her elbows into his tightly closed arms, desperately pulling him closer to her body.
“I’m sorry, Siwoo… I was wrong… It was all my fault for tormenting you all this time… For taking out my anger on you… For making you work tirelessly… For making you live in a shabby barn for five years… Everything was my fault… Please, forgive me.. I-I’ll do anything to earn your forgiveness, so please…”
Her apology was mixed with sobs, making it barely audible.
Nevertheless, her words pierced his ears like a thorn.
But, his heart didn’t waver in the slightest.
Rather, it just made him realize that the reason why she had suddenly acted kindly towards him was to atone for her sins.
“Tell me why you did it. All you have to do is tell me why you put me through that kind of torment. That’s what I want to hear.”
Amelia directed her gaze at him.
In response, Siwoo returned her gaze.
“Because… I love you…”
Finally, she uttered the words she had longed to say.
The words she couldn’t bring herself to say continued to pour out of her mouth.
“I was only able to acknowledge my feelings… After I nearly lost you… I-I’m sorry…”
Her answer lightened Siwoo’s chest.
But it wasn’t because he found out that her reason wasn’t as great as he initially thought.
Instead, it was so trivial and shallow.
And it overwhelmed him. The thought that even the way she had sincerely taken care of his younger self was because of nothing but her own greed.
Ultimately, it was all rooted from her selfishness.
From the beginning to the end, Amelia was always a selfish person.
“If you hate me that much… I can live in the barn from now on… You can even treat me like a slave… Torment me until you feel better… So please, please forgive me…”
“Ms. Amelia.”
Siwoo’s voice softened slightly. This made Amelia hold onto a glimmer of hope as she cautiously looked at him.
And in that moment, as they eyes met, she realized that said hope never existed in the first place.
“You asked, whether I could forgive you or not if I ever gave my memory back?”
That was a cowardly question.
If she had even the slightest inkling of the emotions that would stir within him once he regained his memories, the depths of despair he’d be plunged into…
She wouldn’t have asked him that question.
As that was a terribly offensive question for him.
“Please, stop now, I forgive you.”
Amelia could tell it in his gaze.
There was a deep sense of resignation and disillusionment.
“Please, don’t do this, don’t say those words.”
She sensed each and every bond between them was being torn apart.
“What’s the matter? I’ve forgiven you. Just as you desired.”
Amelia took a step back before finally collapsing to the floor.
“Because the slave certificate was pretty much nullified, I won’t be your exclusive slave anymore. But, you’re still a Baroness all things considered, so I’ll treat you with the utmost courtesy.”
His final words severed all remaining connections between them.
“The Siwoo that you loved was dead, Ms. Amelia. Actually, he never existed in the first place.”
Her eyes blurred and she couldn’t bring herself to shed more tears. Yet, she stayed still, awaiting for her final judgment.
“Similarly, the Siwoo who loved you is also dead, Ms. Amelia.”
With a bitter sneer, he folded the canvas in front of him and retrieved the easel.
Then, he walked away before Amelia could grasp onto him.
“Oh right, I forgot to say something.”
Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks.
Before Amelia could hope for something else, his last words fell out.
“Not only you’re selfish. You’re also terribly disgusting.”
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