༺ Unshakeable Hawthorn (2) ༻
I stared blankly at the hawthorn plant. It was usually just a part of the background that I didn’t pay much attention to, but it caught my eye today for some reason.
No, I knew exactly why. I was painfully aware of the reason behind my fixation.
“It feels empty without it around. It’s something I’m used to seeing in the club room.”
His words echoed in my mind, causing me to bite my lip. Maybe I visited too much, making oppa miss the hawthorn plant more than me.
Should I visit less often? But as Senior mentioned, chances to be alone with oppa might be hard to come by again. What should I do?
“Louise, what’s on your mind?”
My endless train of thought was broken by Ainter’s voice.
“I was just looking at the hawthorn.”
I flinched for a moment, but I was able to respond calmly. Although I was indeed looking at the hawthorn, it was too embarrassing to explain the reason.
At my response, Ainter’s gaze also turned to the hawthorn.
“It looks lifeless. Maybe it’s missing its owner.”
I nodded absently as he murmured sadly.
While I wasn’t sure if it was really missing its owner or it was just our imagination, the hawthorn did seem less vibrant than usual.
Of course, we hadn’t neglected it just because oppa was away. We’d been taking good care of it, especially since it was a gift from Irina—
‘Irina.’
I almost bit my lip again. I wouldn’t feel this way if it was a gift I gave to oppa. The thought of cherishing a gift from someone else made me feel a complex mix of emotions.
I know that I’m acting strange. Oppa has every right to receive and treasure gifts from others.
But why was it bothering me so much? Logically speaking, there was no issue with it. Yet, my instincts were sending me a warning.
‘Gifts…’
I’ve given many gifts to oppa, too. The problem was that they were all consumables that would disappear after being used. A visible gift, like this hawthorn plant, would probably leave a stronger impression.
Yes, I should give him something lasting, something that would remind him of me every time he saw it.
“Would oppa like it if I gave him flowers?”
I hesitantly decided to ask Erich. While it wasn’t odd for Irina, who was in the gardening club, to give plants as gifts, it felt somewhat awkward for me.
Moreover, should I add another plant to the ones he was already caring for? It might be fine if he enjoyed gardening, but it might be a burden if he were obligated to grow them only because it was a gift.
“Him?”
Erich stroked his chin, clearly having never considered the idea.
“I’m not sure.”
His response was disappointing. It reminded me that Erich and oppa used to be awkward around each other.
“He doesn’t have preferences.”
“Or maybe you just don’t know them.”
Lather said what I wanted to say.
Everyone had preferences; if they liked something, then there must also be things they disliked.
“It’s true. He’s always accepted whatever he was given ever since we were children.”
Erich protested, but his words hardly convinced me.
Oppa wasn’t one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Even those close to him would find it hard to decipher his feelings, let alone Erich, with whom he had an awkward relationship.
Reading my skepticism, Erich’s explanation grew longer. He insisted that oppa kept every gift in his room, never threw anything away before it was broken, and never refused anything.
“Hyung was solely focused on his training, showing little interest in anything else.”
“That makes sense. To achieve his skill level, he must’ve dedicated himself entirely to training,” Rutis agreed, nodding.
Really? Was he so absorbed in his training that he had no time to develop his personal tastes?
Even though they were known to be awkward around each other, it became more convincing when it came from both Erich and Rutis.
‘That’s too much.’
My heart ached in a different way than I expected. So he has been struggling since he was a child.
“But he’s not picky, so whatever you give him should be fine. I think he’ll already be satisfied by simply receiving a gift.”
“…That’s a relief.”
I managed to say, finally finding something positive.
***
People outside the academy also reached out, perhaps worrying I’d get bored.
However, there should really be a law to confiscate communication crystals from prisoners under house arrest. How dare someone, who was excluded from duty as a prisoner, brazenly keep in touch with society?
— Is your probation bearable?
On second thought it was definitely necessary, if only for the sake of my own mental health.
“Why are you asking me that when you have more experience than I do?”
— Well, you’re the first one to be put under probation at the academy.
“Damn it.”
Despite my harsh curse, the minister laughed heartily as if it was refreshing to hear.
So the world has finally come to this. My direct superior, who I’ve worked with for four years, finds my suffering amusing rather than sympathizing.
That’s why I do the same. If you receive something, you should return the favor. It’s only through give and take that relationships grow.
— Even if history forgets my name, yours will remain.
I couldn’t come up with a rebuttal to the minister’s chuckling remark. He might be remembered as one among many Ministers of Finance, but I had plenty of reasons to be noted in history.
People say you die when you’re forgotten, but at this rate, I might just become immortal. That thought alone was terrifying.
‘What’s the use of living long?’
It would only benefit the royal family if I lived long. Ah, living a long life wouldn’t be so bad if early retirement was an option. If only it was possible.
“I wish you could join me in being remembered. Don’t worry. I’ll suggest it to His Majesty once it’s your time to be put on probation.”
— Don’t play games with me.
I spoke sincerely, but the minister cut me off firmly. He’s really being too much.
The conversation continued with questions about what it felt like to be imprisoned and that I would soon find out for myself until the minister quietly mentioned it.
— The 2nd Manager returned today.
That seemed to be the main point of the conversation.
“Did he receive treatment?”
— A single eye is easy to treat. Plus, they prioritized his recovery since he was injured on assignment.
I felt relieved to hear that his injuries were properly taken care of. When there were too many injured people, some would sometimes have to live with their injuries for weeks.
“How does that manager always get into fights wherever he goes?”
— You’ve had your fair share of brawls, too. It’s natural for subordinates to resemble their superiors.
‘So I’m supposed to be like you, then.’
How can he say such disgusting things so nonchalantly?
— And it was a situation where he couldn’t avoid being hit.
“Did he stumble into a dungeon or something?”
— If only it were that amusing.
The minister sighed lightly and irritably ran his fingers through his hair.
Why was he so agitated? It had been a while since I had seen him this annoyed.
— He encountered the Chauzid tribe.
“What?”
Damn it. Why were those bastards showing up now?
It was a name I hadn’t heard in a long time, and it wasn’t a welcome one.
They were one of Kagan’s minions during the war in the North.
Moreover, the entire tribe was notorious for their exceptional archery skills. The tribal chief was even one of the Ten Thousand Warriors, and they were a tribe specialized in combat. No wonder the 2nd Manager got beaten up.
‘Are they still around?’
Given the threat they posed, they were one of the tribes that the empire utterly destroyed. They had high loyalty to Kagan, with most of the adult men participating in the war. We wiped them out in the last battle.
“Are they still alive?”
— We can’t be certain. It’s just speculation based on the 2nd Manager’s testimony. It could just be a similar tribe…
The minister trailed off, seemingly displeased. The northern nomads had distinct characteristics for each tribe. If it was based on testimony, then the chances that it was the Chauzid tribe were high.
This was maddening. Dealing with Kagan’s lineage was troublesome enough, and now the Chauzid tribe was possibly still out there?
‘There could be more.’
There’s a saying that worrying about things that haven’t happened is foolish. Yet, the survival of Kagan’s lineage had already occurred.
Just because something happened once didn’t mean it would happen again. However, following Kagan’s lineage, the existence of the Chauzid tribe had also been confirmed. If things continued in this way, then there was no guarantee it wouldn’t happen a third or fourth time.
The thought of Kagan’s forces made my head spin. He was almost on the level of Genghis Khan, leading a near-indestructible force. Even if only half of that force survived, it would still be a disaster.
— I’m telling you this so you’re aware. Don’t complain later that you heard it from someone else and ask why I didn’t tell you.
“Understood.”
It would have certainly been disappointing to hear this from someone other than the minister.
***
My mind was spinning with thoughts, but I forced myself to calm down. It wasn’t like there was much I could do about it anyway since I was under probation. Concern and hatred for the North were like a passive skill for an imperial civil servant; others would handle it well.
“I’ve brought what you asked for.”
Besides, I couldn’t show any anxiety in front of Louise, could I?
She didn’t even complain despite the sudden errand to shuttle the hawthorn. I felt grateful. Truly…
“What’s this?”
I looked at the hawthorn in Louise’s left hand and then at the pot in her right hand. Why did it come as a buy one, get one? I was pretty sure I only ordered one.
“It’s a gift from me!”
Louise responded with a bright smile.
‘I can’t help it if it’s a gift.’
It was only proper to gratefully accept gifts.
“Thank you. I’ll take good care of it.”
Since I was already tending to a hawthorn, adding another flower wouldn’t be a problem. It might even brighten up the place.
“I chose it carefully because you said you felt empty.”
“Our club leader is the best.”
We wouldn’t need laws if only everyone in the world were as kind as Marghetta and Louise.
***
Seeing oppa’s happy expression made me feel proud.
It seems I made a really good decision in choosing the lilies.
Just as I told oppa, I selected it with great care and with all my heart.
‘I even looked up the language of flowers.’
I thought that the meaning behind it was as important as how beautiful it looked, so I researched each one. I chose lilies because its meaning appealed to me.
And during that process, I also learned the meaning behind the hawthorn.
‘Irina…’
My head went cold at the thought of Irina.
An unexpected challenge rose right from where I least expected it.
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