༺ A Funeral Without Mourners ༻
“What?”
Deus wondered if he misheard me and asked again.
“If you want me to say it again, I will repeat it.”
I replied, but Deus swiftly grabbed me by the collar.
“Regrets? Did you just say regrets? You little brat! Why? Do you want to finish me off too? Put me to rest? Huh?! You son of a bitch!”
“……”
“You crazy bastard! You’re the evil spirit! I am the real Deus! How dare you try to reverse our roles, you fucker!”
Thud!
He swung his fist vigorously, hitting me squarely in the face, and caused me to stagger back. However, I kept my cool, caught my breath, and looked at him calmly.
“Is that why you tried to kill me?”
“Yes! If I can’t exist as myself, then I have to kill you! Who do you think you are to possess someone else’s body!”
Watching Deus, who looked like he would charge at me any moment, I could somewhat understand why people called him unhinged.
Anyway,
There was one thing I had to know.
“Back at the Verdi Mansion, why didn’t you try to kill me?”
“……”
Deus hesitated, wanting to say something, but remained silent, perhaps out of pride.
“I’m not asking you this because I don’t know the reason. Don’t think you staying silent will keep me in the dark.”
“You…!”
“Firstly, the other spirits might have scared you. The Verdi mansion was overflowing with spirits that used to mess around with you.”
The original Deus must have seen the same thing as me after I took possession of his body – numerous spirits roaming in the mansion, ridiculing him.
Such an environment must have been intolerable for Deus.
At least in Norseweden, the power of the Verdi Household justified all his actions and prevented open criticism.
But after death, regardless of status, everyone was equal.
Because he didn’t want to lose his identity and pride, he hid deep within me.
“But that wasn’t the only reason. Even after I took care of all the spirits, you still didn’t emerge.”
“……”
“But then, when I returned back to the academy, you emerged right away to kill me at night.”
“Shut up.”
Deus clenched his fist again, but this time, I didn’t let him hit me. I simply dodged his attack.
Do you know the number of hits I received while conversing with ghosts in thin air when I was young?
In fact, avoiding the punch from a shabby street fighter like Deus was quite easy.
Swoosh!
Deus’ fist met the empty air and he ended up falling down awkwardly.
I gazed down at him and told him the truth he never wanted to accept.
“Because it was possible.”
“Stop!”
“You realized that it was possible for you to change, just like I did after possessing your body.”
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”
Deus struck the floor with his fists in frustration and started sobbing again.
“You always thought that it was too late for you to change. You believed that you had passed the point of no return in your life.”
“Don’t say it!”
“That is why you had regrets. You did not want to admit that things could have turned out like this.”
I looked at Deus, who was weeping, and knelt down, placing my hand on his back.
“You wished for my ruin as well. That’s why you kept trying to kill me while I was at the academy but you no longer needed to do that after I was dismissed.”
Because he believed I would fall into the same cycle of ruin as him.
But I returned to the academy once again and was reinstated as a professor under much better conditions.
From this situation, he was able to see with his own eyes that there were different possible outcomes.
So once again, Deus tried to kill me, and he thought he succeeded this time.
“I needed to create an opportunity like this to be able to have a conversation with you. Luckily, with so many competent professors and guards available to treat the injured below, I felt that I could throw myself down without worries.”
It was obvious that I succeeded.
“Deus… In my own way, I’ve tried to think about what you may have regretted.”
With all my sincerity…
To try to understand the man named Deus, I racked my brain continuously and pondered.
“Firstly, you wanted me to perish.”
“……”
He didn’t reply and simply curled up his body.
Throughout our conversation, he kept trembling as if his entire being had been stripped bare, only expressing his dismay.
“The second regret must be wanting to see the person you love.”
Swoosh.
The confusion was apparent on his devastated face as he slowly raised his head.
“Illuania… You were with countless women, but she was the only one you truly loved.”
“No, no. I…!”
“When I first saw her, I felt emotions that weren’t mine, but belonged to someone else, from deep within me.”
That’s why when I saw Illuania on the streets of Norseweden for the first time, I was astonished.
At that moment, I could tell that she was the woman Deus undeniably loved. Deus genuinely desired to be with Illuania.
“Staying up together all night, getting drunk and comforting each other, and sharing the love once again the next day.”
In terms of social status, they were polar opposites – he, a son of a Margrave, and she, a courtesan. But in bed, they were equals and empathized with each other.
“Your feelings for her kept growing, but you couldn’t express them.”
Every comforting word from the courtesan must have made Deus feel emotions he had never felt before.
But unfortunately…
“Illuania is pregnant.”
“…!”
Deus knew that. He must have seen Illuania from within me, so of course, he knew.
What she needed was someone who would give her their complete and unwavering love, and that wasn’t him. Not just him, but there was no one else who could give her that either.
While she might have loved him during the time they spent together, Illuania was adept when it came to sorting out emotions. She was also unable to easily love someone else due to the deep wounds she had.
“That damn woman! She promised to love me! She said we’d be together! But she’s carrying another man’s child…!”
Thud! Thud! Thud!
Deus’ despair was evident with each strike to the floor.
“Why? Why? Why do these things keep happening to me? Why do I have to only learn about all this after everything is already over!”
Deus looked broken as he pounded his chest while screaming with despair.
Coldly, I declared.
“You’re still selfish.”
“…What?”
“You only think of yourself as the victim and still blame others.”
“I… I…”
“Think about Deia and all the other maids you harassed… Haah! Since I’m the one who has to bear the karma of your misdeeds, let me say this.”
“…”
With a stunned expression, Deus looked at me, his mouth agape. However, I continued with a cold tone.
“Deus, you’re an unredeemable piece of trash.”
“Ah.”
“And you know that you won’t get a second chance.”
Deus hurriedly turned around and began to flee, as if confirming that those were the last words he ever wanted to hear. But before he could even get that far, he stumbled and fell pitifully to the ground.
“You’re already dead.”
What was the cause?
Was it a drug overdose?
Or perhaps his brain had broken down due to the alcohol?
Could it have been a sudden cardiac arrest, in the name of “Karma”?
I didn’t know.
Deus didn’t know either.
He had simply closed his eyes, slipping into eternal rest far too comfortably compared to all the misdeeds he had committed, while I…I woke up.
That’s why Deus was trying to kill me.
Knowing that there was no chance for him to revive, he could throw away his body without hesitation.
“I am not the arbitrator of good and evil. I only listen to the stories of souls and help grant their wishes if I deem it appropriate.”
I drew closer to him, who had fallen pitifully. Exhausted, he finally broke down in tears, despite yelling at me to stay away, again and again.
“Even if I do not understand your regrets, nor find them appropriate, I shall make an exception for only your soul. I shall help you.”
‘Because I am using your body.’
I thought it was a fair price to pay.
“I will show Deia and Darius, who you hurt, and many others a different Deus. He will be confident and proud, to the extent that the old memories won’t haunt him.”
“…”
“Illuania, the one you loved, now has a stable job so that she can raise her child without going through a life of misery. Of course, I will also cut off the drugs.”
Deus didn’t look at me.
“Ugh! Damn it.”
He began crying, as if looking back on his entire life.
“You bastard, don’t you dare forget your promises!”
With a sob, he muttered those words and spat them at me.
Hence, I was finally able to recite the funeral rite for him.
“You were immensely selfish and caused a lot of pain to numerous people. Nothing would ever change that. No excuse would ever be able to justify it.”
No tears, no sobbing.
It was Deus Verdi’s quiet funeral, one with no attendees.
Starting from his toes, Deus slowly began to turn into a cluster of light and yet he didn’t resist.
“That’s why no one mourns your death or longs for you. This is just the result of your sins and crimes.”
He was still sobbing. Numerous regrets and deep sorrow overwhelmed him.
“But that’s not all.”
I calmly closed my eyes and clasped my hands together.
“You, who never once thought of others, finally, at the very end, granted someone a second chance.”
I gently bowed my head as if not wanting to witness his hopeless end.
“As the person who received that chance, I can not deny that…”
Would this really offer him any solace as he departed?
It didn’t matter.
“At the very end, now that you made a decision for the sake of others and shed tears of regret, you were undoubtedly a human who could change.”
The only comfort I could offer as the one who received a new life from him was this.
“Be satisfied with that and close your eyes in peace.”
By the time I opened my eyes again, Deus Verdi had already disappeared.
I didn’t know if he cried until the moment he vanished or if he found some solace.
But…
Seeing myself turning into Deus Verdi again, I turned around without hesitation.
“May you fall into a slumber deep enough that you forget your own self. Where you have no regrets. Where your sins will be no more.”
