༺ A Little Venting ༻
I stared blankly at the ceiling.
After being kicked out of Doah’s house, I laid in bed, trying to figure out the meaning of her words.
Actually, fuck that, I didn’t need to.
The fact that she didn’t have a boyfriend meant that she was preparing that thing for me.
I was too flustered to ask her about it out loud earlier, but after a little bit of thinking, the answer was as clear as day.
“Um…”
I twisted around to face the wall and reached out into the empty air.
Doah was here…
If I were to hold her for real that day, would that mean she’d be here right now? Next to me, on my bed?
My delusion grew more and more erotic.
I slapped myself across the face and came to my senses.
What the fuck am I? A dog in heat?
I wouldn’t come to a proper conclusion if I let my lust take over my thoughts.
Anyway, my feelings for Doah.
That was the most important thing.
Even though I had dumped her once, she was still sending me such strong signals.
To her, I…
If I said I wasn’t attracted to her, I’d be lying.
The problem here was… Why did I like her?
Did I like her because of the way she was?
Or did I like her because she was Luka?
The gap between the two of them was too large to think that [Luka=Doah], so it was hard for me to see where the weight fell.
If I went ahead and tried to become her lover without clarifying my feelings, I’d end up leaving a terrible scar on her heart in the future.
A scar far worse than back when I rejected her, telling her that she wasn’t my type.
And I didn’t want that.
Also, I learned the hard way that it was terribly selfish to approach someone with half-baked feelings.
Conviction.
I needed unshakable conviction.
It was the first night in a long time that I was unable to sleep well.
Evil.
Taemin oppa was a horribly evil man.
Did he think he could do anything just because he’s good-looking? Huh?
Throwing the returned condom away, I covered myself with the blanket in shame and frustration.
[Then why did you bring that into my house?]
Oppa’s voice replayed in my head.
How should I answer that?
What, did he expect me to laugh it off and say, ‘I bought it with me just in case we’re going to fuck.’?
How much did he have to shame me to make himself feel better?
It was hard to imagine that someone of his age wouldn’t know the implications of such a thing.
He was obviously more experienced and mature than me, someone who was single all of her life…
The longer I stayed still, the more I felt like I was going back to the moment when he walked into my room, so I jerked upright.
You know what.
Let’s just pretend that a nasty Pink Army sassed me and get back to practicing my singing.
It wasn’t the time to mope about this.
Yesterday we were handed a vocal guide to Closer’s debut song.
We also got a chance to chat with the composer via Voicecord.
[Hello, Closers! I’m Biya, a composer from YM!]
[First of all, congratulations to those of you who passed. This is a song I’ve been working on for the company long before you guys passed.]
[Since this is a fresh new concept, I tried to prepare the song with lively rookie idol emotions.]
[I’ve distributed the parts with consideration for all of your timbres and vocal ranges, but in case there are any adjustments that need to be made or if you think a part change might be better, please sing the song in the vocal guide from start to finish within this week and send it to the email address written here.]
[I’ll look forward to it!]
I played back the vocal guide version of the song and hummed along to the music.
Pros weren’t pros for nothing.
Upon hearing the song, the members of Closer all gushed about how much they loved it.
In particular, Leah, who was usually quiet, was so excited by her part that she spammed the chat with praises to Composer Biya.
“Ah, ah.”
Clearing my throat, I slowly sang the lyrics on my phone, following the melody.
Those faint, warm memories,
My emotions spreading like paint,
On that street when we were together,
I wait for you even today.
The composer labeled the bridge just before the chorus as the part I’d be singing on.
Honestly, the pitch felt a little high to me, but it should be fine.
Of course, I didn’t expect my current way of singing the part would make it into the album, so I tried my best to practice it.
Eventually, the clock struck eight.
It was time to get back to work.
Once I had everything set up for the stream, I cleared my throat and hit the live button.
As soon as I hit it, the chat flooded in with greetings.
As always, the Pink Army was the best.
「Hello everyone~ Hi~ Hi~」
Like usual, the first part of the stream was just zatsu, so it was mostly just me chilling, but for the second part… I didn’t really schedule anything today.
Usually, I’d just do whatever it was that my chat recommended me to do. Just like now. There were some pretty interesting messages I could do.
[Luka! You don’t play wanna play Bracket Fights or something?]1T/N: For any of you that want to try out the Korean version, it’s actually called World Cup (월드컵). You can find one on piku.co.kr
Bracket Fights… I think I tried it once but it wasn’t popular so I stopped playing.
「Ah. Should we just do Bracket Fights then? Which one should we do?」
In response to my question, the Pink Army made a long list of Bracket Fights they wanted.
「The Snack Bracket Fight sounds like a good idea, and Anime Bracket Fight too? I think we can do that later with Furin, maybe?」
Closer’s maknae, Fumurin, was also quite an otaku, which sounded like a good content to do with her.
As I scrolled down the Bracket Fights site, I immediately clicked on something that looked pretty interesting.
「Let’s try this.」
-The Annoying, Off-Putting Type of Lover Bracket Fight
「You guys always ask me what to do if you want to be in a relationship with me, right? How to be Luka-tan’s lover. Let’s find out what to avoid.」
I clicked on it impulsively, but the options were pretty gross.
‘The one who doesn’t take a shower when we meet vs. The one who sneaks off to clubs behind my back.’
「Ah… the first one is already tough! But it’s the latter for me.」
「If he doesn’t shower, I can just make him, but if he sneaks off to clubs, I don’t think there’s anything I can do to stop him.」
‘The one who gets caught texting with the opposite sex vs. The one who never shows you their phone.’
「Isn’t it obviously the first one?! I don’t want to show anyone my phone.」
My comment sparked another heated discussion among the viewers.
[No. Isn’t it fucking obvious they have something to hide?]
[Phones are private. Why would you want to see that?]
[you dont wanna show it because you might get caught. Yep]
[lmao I’ll show mine, but please someone make me your lover~~~]
Scanning through their reactions, I smiled and nodded.
「I mean, there might be some old and ugly photos you don’t want your partner to see, no? Personally, I don’t want to show them my photos with no makeup and such.」
Since I didn’t want to give them TMI, I quickly moved on.
‘The one who changes their profile pic after a fight VS The one crazy about female or male streamers and donating them lots of money.’
「Wow… This one…」
In my heart, it was obviously the latter, but was it okay to say it out loud?
[*Gasp* Is it the latter, Luka-tan?]
Seeing the chat went into a frenzy over my reaction, I immediately added more things to calm them down.
「I get it, though. Even you guys donated a lot to support me.」
「But I think you should keep it at a healthy level. Like, don’t go into debt just to donate!」
「Of course, I know that you guys know better, but still please don’t do that! If anything, I’ll feel more burdened than happy if you do so!」
I clicked on the former and my brow furrowed as soon as I saw the next option.
‘The one who sounds terribly ignorant VS the one who knows everything but pretends not to.’
Taemin oppa’s face flashed through my mind.
Feeling unnecessarily emotional, I clicked on the latter without hesitation.
「Ah, I genuinely hate this one. Like, if he doesn’t know about something, I can always teach him, but if he’s pretending not to know, that’s just plain annoying.」
After that, the horrible options kept coming, but the first place was already decided.
Dear Taemin Oppa, who will never watch this stream.
This was dedicated to you!
「Alright~ Guys! If you want to be my lover, don’t ever pretend that you don’t know anything~ Okay~?」
As I finished my own little venting session, the bitter feelings in my heart seemed to melt away.
「I’ll fetch some water and get some snacks for part 2!」
After telling the Pink Army that I was going to take a break, I sighed and picked up my phone.
At least I told Oppa to keep in touch yesterday…
I wonder if there were any messages from him?
Swiping my thumb to unlock my phone, I swallowed hard at the notification.
Wait, he actually texted me? Fuck, why did I suddenly feel so nervous?
Seeing Taemin Oppa’s name, I tapped the screen to open the message window.
[Doah.]
He wrote my name.
[Can we try to get to know each other slowly…?]
Those words made me feel happy, but I could feel my face getting hotter as I wondered what kind of answer I should give him.
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