༺ I Want To Know ༻
I’ve always kept running away…
Whenever I was afraid, I’d run away.
If I found myself embarrassed, I’d run away.
Even though I knew that it wouldn’t lead to the best outcome, I still did it. Today, too, I turned my back on Oppa and ran away.
It was hard to sum up the emotions swirling inside me with a single word.
Joy. Relief. Betrayal. Gratitude.
Whatever it was though, I knew that it leaned towards good. Still, the feeling kept haunting me, until the moment I started streaming.
It was still wild to think that Oppa was a Pink Army…
I’ve always imagined that someone around me could secretly be one, but even in my wildest dream I never would have imagined it to be him.
Anyway, if he has been watching me since the beginning…that meant he was watching me when I confessed to him…?
The memories of that nightmare-like day replayed in my head again.
I canceled the stream that day because I didn’t have the energy to do it.
To think that one of the many Pink Army who went feral when I took a break was the one who rejected me…
What was this? A third-rate romance novel?
Anyways, he became interested in me once he found out that I was Luka, that much should be true at least…
I stopped my train of thoughts there since it was about time for me to start my stream. Instead, I booted up my computer.
After checking my mic, I started to stream like normal.
Rambling about random topics, going on with the zatsudan…then suddenly…
One of the viewers donated 100,000 won to make me act cute.
Normally, I’d just go along with it as long as I had enough time, but today, I couldn’t do just that…
…Because Oppa might be watching and all…
I knew that he had been watching my streams for a long time, so he had probably seen me do it countless times, but I couldn’t help but feel blood rushing to my face whenever I thought about it!
This was the kind of thing that would make me kick my blanket out of embarrassment if anyone I knew saw it! But this wasn’t just anyone I knew! He was my crush—!
Anyway, I shouldn’t dawdle! The face tracker could pick up my facial expressions, so I’d need to regain my composure! I quickly said that I’d need to get some water and picked up my phone.
There was no way around it, I had to say it!
I’ve tried to convince myself that there was a chance Oppa wasn’t watching my stream right now, but in the end, I decided that it would be better to just give in and say it straight to him!
[turn off the stream.]
There was no time to wait for his reply.
I put down the phone, took some water out of the fridge, poured it into a tumbler, and went back to my monitor.
「Ah. Ah. I’m doing it now~」
After watching the original video one last time, I let out a deep sigh.
Ahh, who hell even came up with this stuff?!
Every time I thought nothing could faze me anymore, this kind of thing happened! Seriously, human’s degeneracy knew no bounds!
The worst thing here was that the Pink Army loved stuff like this!
「Ahhhh~」
Let out some air as much as you let out your voice…
That was the advice that Clover unnie gave me. It sounded helpful, but honestly, I was still doubtful about it…
「Oppaa~! Luka-tan likess~ the Pink Army the mooost~!]」
Doah, this was a job…
You earned 100,000 won in less than a minute for doing this…
Only financial therapy could fight off this feeling that was akin to a post nut clarity.
Still, no amount of money could fight off the fear that came from the possibility that Oppa might be watching this—!
「Is Wuka-tan~ cutee… pfft…! Ah! I’m sorry!」
After that stumble, a bunch of boos instantly poured into the chat.
[LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]
[Go for 2nd try?]
[againnnn]
「Chat, this is hard for me, you know? Look, my model doesn’t have a tongue, you know???」
I tried to make a crying face to earn pity points from them.
After catching my breath, I attempted it again. Fortunately, I succeeded on the second try.
「Phew! This is tiring! Sighh… Seriously, you guys like this stuff?」
I was literally losing my mind from doing all this, meanwhile the Pink Army was celebrating it among themselves.
[Clip it! Clip it! Clip it! Clip it! Clip it! Clip it! Clip it! Clip it! Clip it! Clip it! Clip it!]
[fr itll make a legendary clip]
[ah~ that was straight fire~ today’s stream popped off! luka-nim!]
Whatever…as long as you guys were happy…
Hopefully he wasn’t watching? Clinging to that feeble hope, I opened the rhythm game I was scheduled to play for today.
“Hehehehe…”
I would never let anyone else hear that laugh.
Doah tried to make me stop watching, but I ignored her and watched it until the end in complete joy.
Thinking about how her aegyo clip would spread everywhere, I was already excited.
Surely it would spread to not only other Closer members’ streams, but to all different kinds of communities as well.
Just like any other Pink Armies’, Luka’s growing popularity was a source of my pride and joy.
Providing her with headaches and joy was also another part of our own happiness.
–Riiiiing
Suddenly, my phone rang.
That was when I realized that I hadn’t been paying attention to my surroundings until right before the stream ended.
Knowing who the text was from instinctively, I gulped nervously before unlocking my phone.
[…did you see?]
See what exactly? She didn’t specify anything.
And I wasn’t planning to make her do it either.
[No.]
I decided that telling her a white lie here was the best course of action.
Because I had a feeling that if I were to say yes, she’d just die out of shame.
The ‘read’ icon appeared, but she didn’t reply for a while.
Maybe she just wanted to ask that question and she didn’t have anything to talk with me about today? But then her reply came.
[can we meet now?]
[Now?]
It was a bit late.
The clock showed 11:40 PM.
[yes.]
[Yeah, we could, but where should we meet?]
Considering the time and chilly breeze outside, our options were limited.
[can i go to your place, Oppa?]
[My place?]
I instinctively scanned my room.
Ever since she came over to hang out the other day, I had been sealing all the goods and posters that were related to Luka in my closet, but my place was still a little messy.
[Does it have to be now?]
I tried to subtly suggest that we should meet up tomorrow instead, but she insisted otherwise.
[there’s something i urgently want to talk about.]
Yeah, but was it really the right time for a talk? It was late…well, I admitted that I was curious about what she wanted to say.
[Can you give me some time to clean up first?]
[how long?]
[Uh… 20 mins?]
[then ill be there in 20.]
She stopped texting anything else after that.
Hurriedly, I threw all the clothes lying around the room into the laundry basket.
While doing so, I imagined what she might want to say.
Maybe she was about to confess to me?
Or maybe she was going to vent her resentment about me hiding things until now?
Well, it could also be something else entirely…
I continued to clean the room while having these kinds of thoughts. Before I realized it, twenty minutes had already passed by.
–Knock knock knock
After hearing the knocks, I rushed to the front door and opened it.
“…Hello.”
Draped on her was a familiar light blue school jacket.
With her black baseball cap on, Doah entered the doorway.
“Ah, yeah. Come in.”
She neatly took off her ivory crocs.
Seeing her looking for a place to sit, I slid the computer chair in front of her.
“So what did you want to talk about?”
The two of us sat across from each other, with me sitting on my bed.
Only after bending down a little could I see her expression under her cap.
“…Oppa, do you remember what you said to me before?”
The tone of her voice was calm, but there was a conviction in it.
“What did I say?”
“That we should get to know each other slowly.”
There was no way I’d forget that. I mean, that was the conclusion I came to after seriously considering my relationship with her.
“Yes, I remember that.”
Seeing me nodding in affirmation, she bit down her lips tightly.
“Then, you should know that your words didn’t make any sense, right?”
Sorry? Your words were the ones that didn’t make any sense here, though?
“…How so?”
“You watched my streams a lot right, Oppa?
“In my streams, I often talk about what I did on those particular days, what food that I ate, and sometimes I even told stories about my family.
“And even after you know all that, you were still saying that you wanted to get to know each other slowly?”
Her intonation rose a tone higher, and her displeasure towards me was clear.
Well, I understood what she was trying to say, the problem was, I didn’t know what she wanted from me.
“I thought if I told you that I am your fan, you’d feel uncomfortable…”
That was the best way I could put it as I couldn’t just keep silent there..
“Sorry if I upset you.”
“No.”
…What? No? What did she mean no?
I thought an apology would be enough, but apparently not…
“You need to make up for it.”
“Make up for it…? How…?”
“Can you open your browser for me?”
The moment I heard her words, I immediately understood what she wanted. My body turned frozen stiff.
“…Show me.”
She stood up from the chair, and the heart patterns on her pants unfurled neatly.
Her face got closer and closer.
Facing her dark brown eyes, my heart turned weak.
“I want to know…what kind of person you are…Oppa…”
…Fuck, I shouldn’t have told that white lie!
I slowly reached towards the mouse.
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