Episode 80: Discussion Topic: Our Ahjussi (1)
The clear timbre of Vintage Clock he was hearing for the first time failed to ring his heart.
“Who asked such a thing?”
Becoming happy meant nothing.
Did that mean he could let everything go and become happy? Probably not because there was no fixed shape of happiness. One still had to move desperately and finally grasp it towards the end of the journey and that was why the revelation that he would be happy was meaningless. At least that was what he thought.
He wasn’t curious about his future. He simply wanted to be guided to the top floor with the door opened before him.
“Or do you not have ears to listen to what I’m telling you to do? Do I just have to listen to you ramble on and on?”
Affection isn’t something given or received.
It appeared by itself and deepened by itself.
It was the same with love. He had never wished for this pointless emotion but woefully by the time he realised it, it had appeared out of nowhere and had deepened by itself.
He had to go back.
“If you truly think and wish for me for even the size of a flea then stop blabbering nonsense and take me to the top floor. Now!”
His affection for Bom was like lighting up the most dangerous fuse and their relationship would definitely deepen the more attention and love he gave. If he could go through the atrocities he had committed and remove his romantic feelings for Bom, that should at least let him avoid the worst case scenario.
Vintage Clock however completely countered the Regressor’s thoughts head-on.
<The Authority, [Vintage Clock (EX)] expels you from the [Vintage Clock’s Workshop].>
His eyes turned into circles enough for his eyeballs to pop out.
“You are expelling me? You? Expelling me?”
Before long, an intense and irresistible wave of power flooded his body and pushed it back.
“Why.”
The force pushing him back intensified. Yu Jitae clenched his teeth and stood his ground as veins shot out of his skin from chin all the way up to his cheeks. He could not leave just like this.
“Are you trying to stop me from misfortune now that I’ve laid hands on daily life?”
The force was pushing not his physical body but his soul itself. However, it was physically revealed in this conceptual world as a storm of wind and pushed him back while the world dissipated into a fog.
“Do you wish for me to escape my hideous past? Bury that and become happy? Is that truly what you wish for?”
It was the same process as the end of iterations; where the world would crumble and leave him behind. Yu Jitae stood firm. Grasping at the darkness of the dissipating workshop, he stabilised his body.
“What kind of hypocrisy is that, huh?”
Despite his words, Vintage Clock appeared resolute.
From afar, the large pair of scissors – [Connection-severing blades] overwhelmed Yu Jitae with its sheer force. A tempest of pressure struck his body like the pellets of a shotgun bullet and pushed his body back.
The concept became blades that ripped his clothes apart and carved several wounds on his body.
With chattering teeth, he screamed.
“How can you do this to me. Who’s the one that drove me into the gutters. You—”
His feelings for Bom –
It made him feel the guilt he had been denying, forced him to hide the past he had no plans of avoiding, uneasily shook the upcoming future,
And made him hate once again,
The Vintage Clock whom he thought forgiveness and hatred no longer mattered, and even his own destiny.
The white bird disappeared into the distance.
“How can you dare do this to me—!!”
Yu Jitae screamed and shouted.
In the end, he was chased out of the Vintage Clock’s Workshop.
No message was sent by Vintage Clock ever since.
*
Three days went by.
Even when the 4th, 5th and the 6th iterations came to an end, even when Hostility affected Ha Saetbyul and Wei Yan, Yu Jitae’s mind had never been shaken so much. Stupidly enough, only after learning how to smile again did he learn once again the displeasure caused by the shattering of that smile.
His mind was all over the place and he had no time to objectively view his own actions and words. Whether he was in the right mind or not, time passed. He was still a member of the daily life, a guardian of the kids, a life stabiliser of the dead child and a prophet of the Association. There were a lot of things that had to be done.
He observed Gyeoul at her school, started training Yeorum and Kaeul again and focused on life at Unit 301 regardless of the awkward distance with Bom. His usual mental calmness was no longer there. He was anxious, and discontent and sometimes, random thoughts popped up in his mind.
If Bom were to remember the past iterations, what should he do?
Habit was scary. The first method that came to his mind were the things he had done in the previous iterations. A different way to put it was that he was spending just over 2 years with the kids in the 7th iteration, while he had spent dozens of years imprisoning the kids. Therefore, he was still more used to that kind of method.
If things went south, he might even unknowingly lock her up.
“Ahjussi. Have some of the whipped cream as well.”
“Uh? Ah…”
That was why he couldn’t stare at her eyes for a long time when they were at the cafe together.
Today, Bom ordered a caramel macchiato with whipped cream for him and to Yu Jitae, who still only knew how to slurp a drink with a straw, she gently scooped some cream and brought it to his mouth.
“I’ll eat it.”
“You say that but you don’t eat it…”
“I will.”
“But it’s more fun for me to feed you.”
“It’s alright. Give it to me.”
He reached his hand out. With the straw in hand Bom narrowly avoided his hand and soon, his hand had nowhere to go and had to go back down.
Bom was teasing him. The smile on her face proved it, and so did her pointless evasion. Therefore, he shook his hand as usual. In a situation like this, he would say, ‘Give my straw back,’ and add ‘Whatever. Don’t need it,’ if she continued pulling a prank. It might be somewhat strange but he had no time to worry about that.
He did what came to mind. Was it natural? It probably was considering the faint smile that was on her lips.
Going back home and acting his part in daily life, he suddenly realised that their dinner was a lot louder than usual.
“Uaahh, this is too salty and sourr…!”
“Which one? The kimchi?”
“Nn! I don’t like it…!”
“Stop eating you monkey. You said it was strange a while ago so why the heck are you still eating it?”
“But! They gave this with the meat so we have to eat them together right…!”
“Ehew.”
“But why did they put so much vinegar on kimchi? It’s weird! Hehe…”
No, it was just Kaeul that was more bustling with noise than usual. Now that he thought about it, she was like that recently. Maybe there was something she was happy about.
But in comparison to the noisy Kaeul, Gyeoul was a lot quieter than usual.
“Gyeoul. How are you eating this?”
“…Just.”
“You just eat it? Uhh, that’s incredible. You’re so small so how are you so good at eating things like this!?”
“…”
He asked, ‘Should I wash it for you,’ and Kaeul frantically shook her hands.
“Who washes kimchi before eating it…! Right, Gyeoul?”
“…”
Gyeoul sneaked a glance at his face and turned towards Bom before giving a nod.
*
It was night time. When Yu Jitae walked into the living room, Yeorum casually walked up and wrapped her arm around his.
“What.”
“Let’s have a chat for a bit.”
“Huh?”
“Come here.”
She was stubborn. Yeorum pulled him along so he followed her onto the terrace. With a cigarette in her mouth, she frowned.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“What do you mean.”
“Did something happen between the two of you.”
Two of you?
“Yu Bom and you. You’re both acting strange. How many days has it been already? Why are you scaring others?”
Her words shook a corner of his mind. Whenever he doubted his attitude and found it questionable, he tended to look at Bom but she had been treating him all the same.
Was there something wrong there?
“Nothing happened.”
“Are you seriously saying that right now?”
“Yeah.”
—-
Breathing out a gush of smoke, Yeorum scattered her hair that was reaching below her shoulders and suddenly screamed.
“Stop saying freaking nonsense!”
His expression didn’t change but he was inwardly quite surprised. It was because he couldn’t understand the suddenness of her outburst as well as the outburst itself.
“What’s wrong. Calm down.”
“What calm down. Calm down what? Don’t you know Yu Kaeul and Yu Gyeoul are scared as heck ‘cuz of you guys?”
“…What?”
“That food-loving pig isn’t finishing her meal these days and doesn’t even freaking eat anything sweet. And Yu Gyeoul? That noisy little brat constantly looks at you and is too scared to make a damn sound. How many days has it been already! Why are you like that if nothing’s happened?”
“…”
“Same as Yu Bom. Why is she suddenly like a stringless puppet and blank like someone who got smacked on their head everyday?”
Seemingly upset, Yeorum continued sucking through her cigarette. It seemed that her temper wasn’t going to die down anytime soon and she placed another cigarette in her mouth.
“Did something happen between you guys?”
“…”
“There is. There must be. Fuc*. You’ve already done that huh.”
What was this about.
“I knew from a while back that Yu Bom liked you.”
“…What?”
“The other kids don’t know but I do. So what is it. Be honest. What did you guys do? Sex?”
“No. No. Calm down. Nothing happened.”
“If nothing happened, then why the f*ck are you like that? Say something! You’re usually not like this. You’ve been acting all gentle so what are you doing right now?”
She appeared as if she was ready to come punch him on the face. His mind that had already been shaken was easily shaken again.
For starters, his goal was to calm her down.
“Calm down. I must have been tired. You know how I’ve been busy these days.”
“…”
Hearing his words, the cigarette dropped from her mouth.
The ember dropped from the dark sky onto the ground. As if she was staring at something bizarre, Yeorum was staring at him with a strange look on her face.
“What now.”
“You’re seriously weird right now, you know that…?”
Her words caused something to drop inside him as he asked with a dazed voice.
“…What?”
“Are you acting like a normal person, just because you’ve been with us like a normal person?”
“What are you on about.”
“How can you be tired? How can there be such an insincere excuse…”
— It was a mistake. A wrong word.
He was trying to use a word fitting daily life and had unknowingly spouted a word that didn’t suit him.
“Seriously, what is wrong with you…”
Seemingly scared, Yeorum took a step back. Yu Jitae tried to carefully and sincerely choose the words to say but her next words made his mind blank.
“…You’re now scaring me even.”
Her red eyes gazed deeper into his eyes than usual.
He lowered his eyes.
A thought intensified – a thought that something had started going wrong.
This was an element he couldn’t do anything about. Human emotions which he had earned after a long time was the problem. It was causing him to be so unstable.
At the same time, a different impulse intensely rose up.
What about distancing himself from them before these kids got more scared and got repulsed by him?
Or perhaps for the whole remainder of their time?
Even from a distance, he could protect them and guard them. The kids had now formed a small society of their own and they could help each other out when necessary. Even without him Unit 301 would be fine and that would also be a natural way of distancing himself from Bom.
There had to be no hazards to kids but the biggest hazard right now was himself.
Thus, he simply had to distance himself. Quite a rational judgement was it not.
“Can you say something?”
“Sorry. Wasn’t trying to surprise you.”
“What?”
“Let me go somewhere for a few days.”
Saying that, Yu Jitae turned around.
He wanted to escape this place. He wasn’t a human suitable for a place like this. It was the same thought he had as the day when he had gathered the kids. A hideous rock in a colourful field of flowers – that was him.
“Where are you going!”
Without replying to her question, Yu Jitae opened the terrace and walked back into the living room. Yeorum could not stop him but this time, someone else did.
It was Kaeul.
“Where are you going…?”
He had blocked the sound after going to the terrace, so why was she here.
“I’ll go somewhere for a bit.”
Moving aside, he tried to walk past her but she also moved to the side and blocked him. She had a very withdrawn look on her face and her eyes were quivering.
“Why are you in front of me.”
“Where are you going?”
“Just stay here. I’ll be back soon.”
He moved to the left but Kaeul once again blocked him and did the same even when he moved again to the right.
“What’s wrong. Let me go past.”
“Uh, uh… Please don’t go.”
“Why. I’m just going somewhere for a bit.”
“J, just don’t go. Let’s have a chat today…!”
He couldn’t understand. Why was she stopping him? Now that the situation was well beyond his comprehension, his mind was more in a rush and he wanted to leave this place as soon as possible.
Yu Jitae grabbed the child by her shoulders.
“Let’s do it at night. Okay?”
Kaeul, who was mumbling for words, soon closed her eyes. He released his hands but that was when she suddenly grabbed him by his wrist.
It should be fine to be strict at this point.
“Yu Kaeul.”
However, he couldn’t say anything else.
It was because Kaeul was staring at him with a gaze different from before. Her eyes were no longer quivering and there was a strong vigour in her eyes.
“Don’t go.”
The voice leaving her lips was calm and low.
“I can’t stay like this any more. Have a conversation if there is a problem with someone right? That’s what you taught me.”
A gaze full of vigour.
He remembered the words he told her.
When she wanted to hurt someone or had to convey her sincere thoughts, Yu Jitae said it was fine for her to immerse herself in BY.
“So have a conversation with us.”
Despite that, his confused mind still pushed his feet forward but Kaeul pushed her arms out straight and stopped him by the chest as if pushing a wall.
She then softly tried to pacify him.
“Please…”
And his feet finally came to a stop.
thanks for the chapter
Thanks for the chapter! This was intense!!
So we’re finally tackling Yu Jitae’s guilt. Now that he is regaining his humanity back, he is now forced to come to face his sins. Even though it’s all in the past and it didn’t actually happen as all of it was erased by the Vintage Clock, Yu Jitae is still the living proof of all the erased timelines.
Just because it was erased doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, because it did. Like he said, what will happen when the hostility put past life memory into Bom? It already done that with his former girlfriend.
Maybe Bom will not care. But MC doesn’t know that and he’s afraid.
It’s amazing to think that in the end he is still a human, it’s his experience of failure and weakness drive him to become the Butcher, he never wanted it.
I love this <3
Thankyou for the chapter 🙇♂️
Loving it.
What an intense chapter… It shows how much the dragons have grown in their time with him too. Thanks for your hard work TL! Blessings to you!
Don’t know what’s gonna happen now but **DAMN CLIFFHANGER**
It’s good that he’s starting to regain his humanity:)
Thanks for the chapter:)
I kinda want him to tell the whole truth. Everything.
Why he approached them, why he protects them how he has something like the Providence and regressed countless time and now he realised his feeling for them and the guilt for what he did countless times.
And ofcourse how they forgive him, accept him, give him their strength and together they face the whole universe!
Or maybe not.
The intensity of this chapter is insane! What’s going to happen next? Will he talk about his past? Anyhow, thank you for the chapter as always~
Time to face his past. Thanks for the chapter
cliffhanging me again!!
I absolutely despise this development. From Yu Jitae’s POV, he has been trapped in an endless loop of time by the vintage clock for a vague reason to save the world and was forced to commit atrocities to further the progress of said goal.
Not a single time did the vintage clock talk to him to explain why or even give words of comfort, but the first words it does say is, ” You will definitely become happy”. If that isn’t the spit on the face of Yu Jitae who tried his best and wants to erase his emotions again, I don’t know what is.
If this blows over without any sort of compensation for him besides an illogical future of being happy, it’ll really show how worthless his whole life since regressing has been.
To be clear, I don’t mind him regaining his emotions and being happy, but not like this, no through some magical words and illogical reasoning. He’s gone too far for such meaningless words.
Hey Friends Cultured People who understand this is Very good. I need help finding something to read that has a bit of quality to it. Can you recommend a novel where the characters have personalities and feelings while being an entertaining story? The world is already full of cliché stories with cliché characters where you know what will happen in 100 chapters and no one is any different than they were at the beginning.
try Demon king goes to academy, its downright copy of beginning after the end in terms of depression (both are nothing similar except that once thing starts going wrong it just keeps getting more and more depressing), the mc feels really pathetic, he tries so hard but keeps getting fcked up over and over again, but its fun nonetheless, about 90ch are translated after that you will have to read mtl(are readable and fine), which is tricky, you will need to go to forum page to know how.
SSS Class Suicide Hunter
You could try:
The demon prince goes to the academy (slice of life with good character development)
Mother of learning (really good plot)
Second comming of gluttony (really good system novel)
My three wifes are beautiful vampires (I know this one sounds like crap, but trust me, is really good)
i didn’t read the last just for the Title! Second look!. i readed SCOG when was ongoing. I need to end it. And im gonna look for the other 2 . Thank you
The Author’s Pov from webnovel, its a good one
you could try ‘possessing nothing’ , ‘isaac’ and ‘regressed demon lord is kind’ for korean ones , you do get a general idea of where the story is heading there to, who’s the antagonists but nothing beyond that, its interesting so.
jap ones are mostly predictable , ” Strongest With The Failure Frame Abnormal State Skill” may be worh a try
CN I’ll have to look since its been a while since i read any except demon god’s lackey( predictable misunderstandings story with lovecraft universe). You might wanna check out “abyss domination” though
Thank you for the chapter
Thanks!
Awful I dislike this development I feel like I’m reading a shitty shoujo manwha. thanks for chap
Wher’s the enxt one!?
oh man, this shit is really getting good.
Never expected a novel like this to be so well written.
Getting the readers to be so emotionally invested to a novel with a genre like regression and action is very unexpected..
This novel goes sooo depp to the human psych.
Its so very different from the novels in this genre that focuses on the OP MC power build up or how he slams down opponents due to his experiences as a regressor.
I unwittingly made a NU review as a comment for this chapter as this really got me.. its soooo good.
thanks for chap
the dam CLIFFFFFF!!!, arrgghh i wanna know what happens next
but gotta say mc making an excuse “I’m tired ” hit even me as something super wrong right as i read that .
Whew kaeul was the last person i expected to say this,
> No message was sent by Vintage Clock ever since.
I really hope that it is a mistranslation and we will hear from our favorite clock mascot in the future =(
You really would think, that a person who dealt with a countless life and death situations, through countless lifetimes, that also has a patience to watch the world crumble for an infinite amount of time(I am referring to when, he got trapped into a dying world by a demon) would have more emotional stability than an adolescent during his puberty. I guess I have expected too much. Thanks for the chapter.
I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s been through those things that he’s really unstable, he has kept himself together and from going insane(or maybe he’s really just insane) by killing his emotions. People don’t really just lose emotions just because they have survived through traumatic shit, they just bottle it up.
Wow this chapter. So it looks like he might dwelve into his past? He’s becoming too human now and reacting with emotions but he can’t deal with it now with his trauma. It’s interesting that all he wanted wanted do was expose himself to the memory so he can go emotionally dead again just to avoid the pain of losing happiness he’s now started feeling 😔
Hope they delve into his past with the dragons next chap
Ah this is so sad. The authors understanding of emotion is so primitive. He was doing really well but now portrays old characters like hormonal children ..
To think that he can still feel guilt after 3000 regression but keeps it repressed, he is still very human at heart
Yu Jitae’s story reminds me of the song Extreme Ways by Moby.
THATS WHY KAEUL IS MY FAVOURITE!!!
This novel totally should have the ‘psychological’ tag in NU man I mean come on. The culmination of an extremely mentally unstable person’s life is totally what the “7th iteration” is all about.