༺ Say You Want To Live – 2 ༻
As the Captain said, the situation was not over just yet.
“This disturbance is being responded with proper resistance in various places, but…. The Shadows’ objective is not the success of this riot, but the act of causing it in itself.”
I knew that too.
Ultimately, the goal of the Shadow was to clean up the back alleys. They had dispersed their focus in every corner to spread this spark, this smoke to further distances.
Although they were defeated one by one due to their plans being exposed in advance, their objective had already been achieved.
“By now, the Taboo of the Military State that they held must have been scattered in every direction. If the State acquires a clue regarding the Taboo, the authorities will not ignore this incident, no matter how minor it is. It is too late. I should have stopped this before it even began….”
The bad part of war and strife was that even though it took two for it to occur, there only needed to be one to unilaterally cause it.
No matter what kind of response was carried out, the fact that a fight had occurred could not be denied nor erased. In the process, if the Military State obtained information about Hamelin, they would set out to erase everything related to it.
“The Shadow has…succeeded. I could not stop them. If only I had acted a bit earlier….”
I could feel an emotion similar to despair and dismay from the Captain. Perhaps there was even a slight hint of resentment towards me for acting on my own.
But she could not just blame me. After all, from the Captain’s perspective, the most reproachful person was probably herself.
｢I stayed idle for far too long. I could not use my life even when it was truly needed….｣
The Shadow’s strategy. To distract the Military State’s attention by causing a disturbance, then scatter the Taboo to make the Military State clean it up themselves.
The Captain tried to stop them even if it meant using her own life. She stopped by a nearby government office to send a warning to Communications Headquarters and intended to lure the Military Police by getting herself killed as bait.
After all, if a signaller suffered a mysterious accident, Communications Headquarters would definitely send an investigation team.
It might have been a decent plan. If the operation had succeeded, even if they couldn’t completely eliminate the Shadow, the Military State would have at least kept them in check.
However, my plan was a bit different.
“It’s okay! After all, times like these are why we have signallers!”
The Captain blinked, seemingly unable to understand. I smiled in an endlessly bright manner towards her, pretending to be innocent and naive.
“I stayed quiet since you wanted to keep it a secret, but, in reality, you’re a signaller, Captain! You can just deliver your opinion directly to the higher-ups of the Military State!”
“…Negative, I am.”
As a reply of denial returned, I widened my eyes like a child who had their present taken away.
“Huh? You can’t even contact high command? Even though you’re a signaller? The very same signaller who can contact anywhere and everywhere with golems?”
Words feigning boundless innocence, as if to say I was completely unaware of the circumstances behind the scenes. The Captain, flustered, still spoke only the truth.
“If solely stating simple facts, then… Affirmative. I am able to contact High Command. But.”
“Then it’s all good!”
I smiled broadly.
It was said that you couldn’t spit in a smiling face. True to such a saying, the Captain was at a loss for words at my innocent smile.
“If it’s Captain Abbey, who has been with me in the back alleys for a few days, you would know what happened in this situation, who the opponent is, what they are aiming for, and who the real identity of the Shadow that knows the Taboo is! If Captain Abbey tries just a little harder, there won’t be any ‘misunderstandings’! And thanks to that, the Military State wouldn’t need to strike incorrectly!”
Because of my words filled with anticipation, the flustered Captain was restless.
Well, that was only natural. It was because the Captain, whose identity was exposed to me, couldn’t return to being a signaller. After all, she had no plans to return to the headquarters alive.
“Please stop for a moment. That is.”
But it is confidential, yeah? I pretended not to know and pressed on.
“What? No way, you’re not saying you can’t do it, right? Even though the lives of the people in the back alleys are at stake here?”
I asked again with an expression that seemed to imply I didn’t understand her logic at all.
“300,000, the lives of 300,000 people in the back alleys are at stake. Due to the incident today, 300,000 people have become involved, whether big or small! If Family collapses, most of the beastkin will shrink away and if Market is robbed, the economy of the back alleys will be paralyzed. As for Shelter? That goes without saying. Someone’s family, friend, or lover could disappear overnight. If in the case that Captain doesn’t help!”
For a moment, the Captain’s face darkened. What flashed in her mind was a gloomy door tightly shut in a certain alleyway.
The world was not just a comedy. For the Captain, who loved people’s daily lives, the lonely death flowing from a closed door would be far too difficult to ignore.
A door that would not open no matter how much it was knocked and shouted at.
A chilly death that didn’t even catch the eye in this rough and tough back alley was barely remembered by a lone Captain, who had incidentally witnessed those two friends.
After leaving the Windowless Room, the Captain learned joy and sorrow. She came to seek joy and avoid sorrow.
And that was why she was willing to come forward for the people in the back alleys.
“The Military State might easily abandon them. However, Captain Abbey. The Captain I’ve spent time with isn’t such a cruel person, right? You enjoyed Anna’s food, liked the citizens you chatted with warmly, and savored the labor and its rewards. That is you. A kind person who affirms this tough yet rewarding life in itself. Isn’t that so?”
A curse she couldn’t help but to endure precisely because of that kindness.
Excessive empathy, suppressed under the shackles that were rules and principles.
The virtue of saints and saintesses that gave to others at the cost of oneself.
The reason why the Military State had to confine Signallers in a Windowless Room was now emerging in the Captain.
“Even if the Military State abandons them, you won’t turn a blind eye, will you, Captain? Anna, Smen, even Store Manager Klin or Paparazzi Nehru. Or the veterans and the orphans they care for in Shelter. You’ll hang in there, won’t you? For the sake of everyone?”
“…I, c-.”
“What? You won’t help?”
If she worked hard enough, perhaps she could save them. After all, a signaller had the power to control information. Although signallers did not have a high position, they could certainly move the Military State.
However, there was just one problem.
“…-annot. Do that. I must. Not do that.”
A signaller must be objective.
If subjectivity mixed into the information, if intentions seeped in, that position would circulate throughout the entire Military State, eating away at the country. It would flow through each and every nerve, causing dysfunction in a body made of iron blood.
The signaller, too, was a Taboo of the Military State. One of the most crucial secrets the State tried to hide.
“I, cannot do that.”
So a signaller, even with such a nature, had to imprison themself in solitude. She had to manifest her empathic ability only through her Unique Magic, only in restricted places.
“Why? Why can’t you do it?”
“…It is, confidential.”
｢It is because I am a…signaller who should never reveal that identity. Because rather than live on with my identity exposed, I should die. Because that is the principle. The rule.｣
Good. Very good. It’s almost time.
The time to break the principles created by the Military State.
“Captain Abbey. Do I look like a fool to you?”
｢Partially… Affirmative.｣
This was a bit…I don’t want to attack the messenger because of the message, but more than that, I really don’t want to hear you say that, of all people.
“Captain Abbey, when we first met in the metal box, you bit the suicide pill, right?”
“….”
“Then you said I should claim the death compensation because we were going to get married and roamed the streets alone without any significant force behind you. Each strange behavior adds up to inevitability. Do I look like a fool to you? Or are you just being capricious while being aware of what exactly you are doing?”
There was no answer. After all, both were ‘Partially Affirmative’ to her. To think of me as nothing more than a foolish petty criminal…Or to at least hope that I truly was.
After all, if I were smart and clever enough to extract confidential information using a signaller, the moment her identity was revealed, I would have been a threat to the Military State.
“Well, let’s say you’re the world’s leading aspirant for suicide. But is your self-destructive desire more important than the lives of the people in the back alleys? If your death brings happiness, is it okay to ignore so many others’ unhappiness?”
“Why would I ever be happy about it?!”
The Captain, provoked by my baseless slander, answered.
“I do not want to die either! Who in the world would want to die?! If I could also continue to live…!”
“Then you can just live, right? Live as a signaller and help the people here in the back alleys a little.”
“However! As there are principles that must be kept no matter what happens, I must take such actions!”
“What about the people remaining then? Market and Family and Shelter. And all the people associated with such diverse groups. Are you just going to abandon them? Are they not also a part of the Military State?”
The Captain now realized the essence of the dilemma she faced.
To uphold principle, she had to die. If she was going to die anyway, she wished to unravel the conspiracy surrounding the back alleys.
By using her life as the cost.
But the current situation was…
“If you do not break such principles, everyone you knew will end up in hot water.”
For herself.
For others.
For the ideal.
A signaller followed the ideal. For principles, they would easily abandon their own life. And in the process, she decided she might as well use it for others too.
That heart, that resolve had been confirmed.
“Signaller. You can live. No, you must live. Otherwise, everyone you have encountered today will be in danger.”
Alright, now that she knows, let’s move on to the next.
Could the Captain, who could give up even herself for principles, be able to give up principles for others?
“How about it, Captain Abbey? Can you do it? Can you leave all these people behind and depart on your own?”
I asked and the Captain did not answer. No, rather, she couldn’t answer.
The most useful tool created by the State had a preset answer for such times. However, that tool was inherently flawed, constantly causing errors.
And the emotion that emerged at the end of such errors was anxiety.
“…Isn’t there…no guarantee?”
“What guarantee?”
Good, has the mask started to come off now?
Isn’t there no guarantee that I won’t be caught by the Military State?
Instead of a clean death, isn’t there a bigger possibility that a more horrific death could be waiting at the end of torture and interrogation?
Right as I was preparing to refute such questions, the Captain drooped her head and spoke anxiously.
“The guarantee that not following my duty will be better…. Whether the actions I take will be worth violating principles…. Isn’t there a lack of such a guarantee?”
Tears were flowing from the Captain’s eyes. In contrast, her expression was more impassive than I had ever seen. It was almost as if a golem was shedding tears.
It was the moment when the most efficient machine created by the Military State was recovering the heart of a human.
“I was taught the ironclad principles of a signaller and I have always acted on them. Signallers have such duties and such responsibilities are also demanded of signallers….. So, if my deviation leads to an even greater tragedy. If breaking principle results in a more terrible outcome…? What should I do then?”
Her anxiety was not about what would happen to her, but whether what she was doing was right. She feared ruining everything because of her own greed and selfishness.
It was akin to the heart of a believer craving faith, seeking God.
Perhaps, for a signaller, the small box was a shrine and the Military State, their religion.
If that’s so, am I the Devil for trying to free the signaller?
With a fresh and sudden smile, I confidently declared to the Captain.
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