༺ I Became a Genius Professor at the Academy ༻
Personal Goal : Entice Academy students and lure them into either raising overall awareness about Illusion Magic / Or joining the Purple Magic Tower / Or buying a shitton of stuff from the Purple Magic Tower.
Mission : Bulk up students by using the Simulation.
Secret Mission : Track down traces of Black Wizards within the Academy.
Important Duty : Regularly introduce female students to Pink-Haired Lesbian.
“……I don’t remember writing the last sentence, though. Was it you, Pink-Haired Lesbian?”
“What if it was?”
The last sentence about duty and whatever was deleted.
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All administrative processing was tedious and strenuous. It caused both the conductor and receiver to squirm in agony. The professorial admissions process of the Academy was no exception.
“So, he’s invited as a Professor to lecture on countermeasures to Illusion Magic……”
“Shouldn’t he be given some broader authority? He’s the Imperial Prince’s pick, after all.”
“I do not think it is right to entrust tasks to an unverified individual so blindly and recklessly. At the very least, we must first verify character and ability, before──.”
“Hey Pink-Haired Lesbian. How about a game of Word Chain?”
“Very well. Mithril.”
Professors, administrative clerks, the Academy’s Vice-Principal, student representatives, and others were raising their voices about my treatment. Amidst such arguments, I killed time with Pink-Haired Lesbian.
All these problems stemmed from the Second Prince, who abused his authority to shoehorn me into the Academy without any proper organization or traffic control. If he was going to just plant me here, he should have placed me in a high position, not just sent me off and called it a day.
To make matters worse, he even left them a Crazy Wizard Usage Method by telling them, ‘Since he can wield realistic Illusion Magic, he can supplement the Academy students’ lack of practical experience’.
What was ironic was that he himself believed it was Dimensional Magic. It was a situation where the Imperial Prince, mistaking it for Dimensional Magic, was disguising it as Illusion Magic even though it was actually Illusion Magic. What a headache.
And so, what had ensued was this shitshow.
A massive debate erupted over what tasks to assign to the suddenly arrived wizard. And then, there was the word chain game I was currently having with Pink-Haired Lesbian.
“Lament Twists.”
“Sword of Sighs.”
“Is that actually a real artifact?”
“Is that truly an existing spell?”
A warm-hearted word chain game, where we doubted each other’s expertise, entered the third round at 1 win 1 loss each.
After 1 hour and 30 minutes of bickering, the Academy people concluded they needed to see my abilities first. A clerk with round glasses approached me and asked.
“Your realm?”
“3 Stars.”
“You haven’t even achieved Metamorphosis, yet you think you’re qualified to teach students?”
“Are you disregarding the Second Prince’s judgment?”
“……!! T-That’s not it, I-I am just doing my best to loyally serve the Empire…….”
The clerk rapidly lost strength in his words and started shrinking. After repelling the first challenger, a sleazy-looking wizard approached to interrogate me.
“I am Alejandro Menuba. A Silver-Grade wizard from the Gold Magic Tower, responsible for maintaining the training grounds and teaching 『Introduction to Basic Elements』 at the Academy. I mean no disrespect, but I have achieved Metamorphosis.”
He meant disrespect.
“Mm.”
“There are quite a few students who have reached the 3 Star Realm here. This is the Academy, a facility that is the very foundation of the Empire’s national power. Your skills may be sufficient outside, but they’re deemed far too lacking to take on the role of a Professor here. Wouldn’t it be better, even if it’s for the students’ learnings, if you stepped down by your own choice?”
“U-Uh, e-excuse me, where are you gazing at while speaking, Mr. Alejandro……?!”
“What is that supposed to m…… Huh?”
Silver Scrub had been mumbling all sorts of worries and concerns to an illusion-covered persimmon tree until he was snapped out of the Illusion Magic by someone calling from the side. His face turned tomato-red from the surging embarrassment and he chewed on his handkerchief as he retreated.
He had a pretty thick mental barrier, but when I camouflaged it with information about women, it was easily penetrated. Just as expected. From looking at his sleazy mug, I did think he would be crazy about women.
Lastly, a one-eyed Viking came forward, holding a large two-handed axe in one hand.
“Pleasure to meet you, Anchovy! I am Alexon, in charge of the 『All Things About Close Combat』 course! Supplementing practical experience with Illusion Magic, you say? That’s nice. Only if you, Anchovy, can realistically implement combat, that is!”
“Hm.”
“How can an anchovy who doesn’t look like he had real combat experience implement actual combat! Come out here and taste my axe! If you knock me down, I shall acknowledge you!”
“How about a battle with words?”
I answered as such and quietly opened the large bag I had been carrying at my side. It contained various equipment for setting up a Simulation Room at the Academy. Among them were combat data I had diligently collected.
Long, long ago, I was beaten like a drum by a Clean Golem.
Since then, I had been feeding combat data into the AI and spinning a random wheel of infinite battles in accelerated time as much as my mana would allow. It was not complete. For there was no end in the path of Martial Arts.
But it should be enough to compete to some extent.
“You think you can win if you fight with your mouth? How delusional.”
“Try it.”
“Alright, I’ll lift my axe and start by stepping diagonally to the right──.”
I inputted Cyclops Viking’s combat data and waited. The AI produced the next move and I voiced it out, word for word. And then, this process was repeated.
Shortly after.
“Uheukheuk…Sob…….”
Cyclops Viking was sobbing sorrowfully while hugging his axe. It was because despite forcibly and desperately struggling out of defiance a total of three times, he was thoroughly defeated in the verbal duel. When asked to reflect on his defeat in a battle of words to a wizard, Cyclops later remarked as such.
The Wizard’s sword had no emotion.
It was a swordsmanship that only a completely maniacal devil-like slaughterer, focused solely on how to kill people while ruling out all emotions, could practice.
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I was confident I would lose if it came to a serious one-on-one fight. After all, wasn’t an Academy Professor essentially a walking weapon whose job was to kill people? Even a scratch from Silver Scrub’s 『Awl of the Earth』 would cause serious injury to me.
But if you give me a little time for preparation and the first move, it was a piece of fucking cake.
Thanks to them underestimating me because I was someone who hadn’t even achieved Metamorphosis, proving my skills was like a walk in the park. A Free Pass, if you will. I gained the faculty’s recognition and proudly became a Professor in my own right.
Since I was dealing with administrative tasks, being assigned to a Professor’s dormitory and private office, and busily handling various duties, time flew by quite quickly. Now, just a week away from the new term, I needed to finish preparing the lectures that I had been procrastinating.
Thanks to the Second Prince’s (forced) explanation, I was thoroughly acquainted with the Academy’s structure. Courses were divided into Core and Elective, with the former being mandatory and the latter being chosen at one’s leisure.
If there was a difference from modern university courses, it was that grades did not matter for graduation. You could still graduate from the Academy even if your transcript was plastered with Fs. It was just that no one did because it was embarrassing as fuck to do so.
I was to teach 『Countermeasures to Illusion Magic』 as a Core subject.
And as for electives, I was told to teach whatever I wanted.
It was said that some Professor chose to teach courses like 『How to Tear Apart a Wyvern with Your Bare Hands』, so that their subjects looked so unappealing that no students would enroll in them. Whether they wanted to slack off or genuinely wished to impart such knowledge but were disregarded by the students was unknown, though.
“What should I teach…….”
“Are you contemplating what to teach so the kids will not register for your class?”
“No, I have no intention of slacking off. It would be better if we could help each other, you know? There’s so much I need to pass on to this cold-hearted, harsh medieval academy.”
“Such as?”
“Things like 『How to Pretend You’re a Swaggalicious Medieval Knight』, 『Eleven Ways to Steal a Man’s Heart』, and such.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯?”
Pink-Haired Lesbian’s expressionless face subtly changed. Then, suddenly, as if her Kill Crazy Wizard Mode was switched on, she floored the accelerator, giving absolutely zero fucks.
“Do you like men? No wonder. I knew it would be like this.”
“Nah. Watch your words, you Les.”
“Then what is 『Eleven Ways to Steal a Man’s Heart』 supposed to mean? Please explain yourself.”
“Theoretically, since men understand men’s hearts best, they would know how to steal them too.”
I was confident about this. In this place, unmarred by clichés, every flirtation was a killing move. After all, hadn’t I already conquered numerous men, including the Northern Grand Duke and, incidentally, the Second Prince as well?
Even though I did say it in jest, I was convinced teaching it would be effective. The thought of a noble lady running with toast in her mouth1common trope in japanese light novels/anime! already made my heart race.
“Mr. Crazy Gay Wizard. You should at least pretend to agonize over how to root out the Dark Wizard.”
“Pink-Haired Lesbian, it’s all good. I have something in mind for that.”
A big event to inject dreams and hope into a dreary academy life. With a slight variation, I could catch two birds with one stone.
“Why do you think a Black Wizard would become a Black Wizard?”
“Due to a tragic past, a desire for power, hostility towards the Church of the Goddess. Usually for such reasons.”
“Exactly. In the end, they chose to be Black Wizards because they lacked the power to achieve their goals. Look at this.”
I pulled out a longsword that was slightly modified with magic and handed it to Pink-Haired Lesbian. She held it up and inspected it from various angles.
“I would buy it for about fifteen silver coins.”
“Eh, I bought that for one gold coin, though……?”
“Idiot.”
“……Awaken, Demonic Sword!”
When I recited the activation phrase, the jewel embedded in the hilt of the longsword split open, revealing an eyeball. The eyeball moved chaotically before narrowing its pupil to look at Pink-Haired Lesbian.
-Are you my new Master? To think that you would awaken me, I must commend such reckless boldne──
“Heup!”
CRACK-!
Pink-Haired Lesbian’s third knuckle shot out. She perfectly transferred her body weight into a powerful punch that split the longsword in two. The Demonic Sword…….died.
Pink-Haired Lesbian then readied her next punch and glared at me.
“What is the meaning of this?”
I hurriedly explained before that fist was aimed at me. Although it was a shame that the sword I spent one gold coin on was now split in two, saving my own hide was more important at this moment.
“It’s an illusion. All an illusion, okay? A toy sword made with Illusion Magic.”
“Come to think of it, I did not feel a wicked energy from it either.”
“I plan to release this reasonably convincing fake Demonic Sword to bait Black Wizards. I shall become a fisherman who catches humans with this.”
“Do you really think you can deceive them with a sword that has no actual features?”
“You are clueless, I see. The key is in the storytelling……”
Yes, storytelling was what was crucial. If I stage-produced a situation that was so sick that one wanted to believe it was true, a toy sword could become a real Demonic Sword sealed with extraordinary power. I planned to scatter these along with various Hidden Pieces throughout the Academy.
If it ended up in the hands of someone who didn’t seem like a Black Wizard, it would say, ‘As I am moved by your noble heart, I shall choose death of my own accord’, before becoming a purified Demonic Sword.
I crossed my legs and held out my hand. Pink-Haired Lesbian looked at me blankly before asking.
“What is it.”
“You owe me. Two gold coins.”
“I told you that it was worth fifteen silver coins at best.”
“Uh, excluding the fact that I got scammed. It’s only considering the reagent materials used for its production.”
“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”
Pink-Haired Lesbian averted her gaze. What was wrong with her? Wasn’t two gold coins a trivial amount? Something that grew on trees or something? Moreover, it’s mere change compared to the grants a Magic Tower received.
“Uh, Magic Towers are the ones who receive a l……..Hooo, the Defense Bureau is a bit stingy.”
“Looks like you’re in debt then? Lie down.”
“Yes.”
Pink-Haired Lesbian immediately laid down. I stuck my butt onto her sturdy back and squeezed my legs. Using her ponytail as a handle, I lightly gripped it. Lately, this was how we played around. Because we were bored.
Because I was unable to see the Tower Master’s face, I was lonely, thus making it all the more boring. Was she eating well? Bathing regularly? Still energetically fucking up her friends at the Magic Tower with low kicks? And perhaps, occasionally thinking of me?
As I carefully drew the Tower Master’s face in the sky beyond the window, the door to my personal office burst open.
A familiar redhead swayed.
“My name is Selvier, a freshman. I heard someone from a Magic Tower was here, so I came to gree……….OH MY GOSH?!”
“Ooooh, it’s good to s……”
“W-Why are you two here, no, it seems urgent, so I-I’ll come back later!”
Red Tower Wizard slammed the door and left.
I fell silent, before murmuring carefully.
“……It seems like an unpleasant misunderstanding has arisen, right?”
“Yes, Young Master.”
“Sigh……”
It was spring.
