A Space In The Subconsciousness

Chapter 16 - A Space In The Subconsciousness

  I quietly stared at Frey, who has been lying in bed for several hours and still hasn’t opened his eyes.

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  “Why on earth did this happen…”


  When I interrogated him about yesterday’s events, he suddenly collapsed while coughing up blood. What the hell is this situation?



  ‘Frey never had a chronic illness…’



  Looking back on my memories, even in the previous timeline, he had never been this sick. So what caused him to spew out blood in this timeline? 



  ‘…Could it possibly be related to what he does to me every night?’



  As a result of observing him with the black magic ⟦Hidden Gaze⟧ for the past few days, I discovered that every night he would just close his eyes and concentrate for a while with his hand on my stomach. 



  And then, he would sigh and trudge back to his own bed with an exhausted expression on his face as he stroked the cat I had earlier possessed.  



  Since I’m stuck to his side all day long, I was able to observe him closely, but I didn’t notice anything suspicious other than that.    



   So the bloodstained handprints on the dormitory bedsheet, the blood he threw up on me the last time when he attacked me and his current unconscious state since this morning, are most likely related to what he does to me every night.



  If so, what does he do to me every night?



  Until recently, I believed it was an unknown form of black magic.



  It was because I suspected if Frey had already been the Demon King’s confidant from this point on, there is a possibility he would use some method to drain the dark mana in my body to commit evil deeds, or even worse, offer it to the Demon King.  



  If that’s the case, the reason my physical condition deteriorated so much in the previous timeline must have been because he had been doing this secretly for a long time. 



  Frey Raon Starlight didn’t have the ability to improve my physical condition, but he did have the ability to worsen it. 



  After all, just like he stated before, Frey never considered me as a butler, an attendant, or even a human being… he merely thought of me as a tool.


  ‘It should have been the case…’



  This has been my guess so far. But, as a result of yesterday’s events, that assumption has been shaken to its core.  


  Yesterday, he saved me from the demon, as he showed up in a black robe and mask. 


  To say he was just trying to protect his ‘tool’ or his personal ‘dark mana’ reserve would be a lie, because he even suffered a fatal wound from the sword that pierced his back. 

  He would never have done this if he had indeed treated me as a tool rather than a person, as he always did.  



 ‘…Besides, what was that strength?’



  Frey Raon Starlight has always been weak. In the previous timeline, people called him the ‘Shame of the Starlight Family’ behind his back.



  This is due to his inability to use ❰Stellar Mana❱ inherited from the Starlight family, his poor martial prowess, and the fact that his mana is almost non-existent.  



  However, such a man overpowered Isolet, who is known as the ‘Second Coming of the Sword Saint’.



  When I regained my senses, I only saw Isolet collapsing, but it was clear that Frey was holding his sword in reverse at that time. 



  In other words, he was actually capable of defeating the next Sword Saint with the reverse-edge of the sword.






  Looking at Frey, who still had his eyes closed, I quietly asked a question.



  “Why the hell did you save me?”


  “Why the hell did you hide your strength?”


  “And why the hell… did you cry in sorrow?”  


  I recalled the events of this morning, as I didn’t receive any answers to my questions.



   Yesterday, I don’t know why but I decided to leave my black cat doll which I prefer to hug while sleeping on the desk, and since I knew he was quite fond of the cat doll I created, I hoped he would let his guard down and leave some sort of clue behind.



  When he raised his hand from my stomach, he began to vomit blood again. My suspicions that it was black magic grew… However, in my heart, I was regretting the fact that I still lacked concrete evidence. 



  “…Kitty, a lot happened today.”


  ‘…Great, he started talking to himself.’



  However, Frey, who was wiping the vomited blood on the floor, picked the doll I was inhabiting and began to lament. That’s exactly what I wanted.  



  “I can’t tell you everything that happened today because if I try to tell you, it’ll take all night… I think I’ve almost passed the point of death at least three times.”



  ‘…No way, was that man really Frey?’



  So, as I guessed he was talking about yesterday’s events, my suspicion that he was the mysterious masked man grew even more. 



  “And… I also read a letter my father sincerely wrote to me. I almost burst into tears back then… but I held it in. Because I’m a Hero.”






  He uttered the word ‘Hero’ out of nowhere. I momentarily tilted my head inwardly at his incomprehensible words when he suddenly muttered in a trembling tone, as if his throat was tightened with unshed tears of sorrow. 



  “…Honestly, it’s hard. It’s so hard that I feel like I’m going to die. But what can I do? I’m a Hero. I have no choice but to give it my all.”





  Frey was in tears as he spoke.



  I flinched for a split second when I saw his sorrowful and dejected appearance, which I had never seen before in the previous timeline, and I felt sorry for him, but he just held me in his arms as he silently shed tears of sorrow. 



   He held me and cried for a long time before trudging back to his own bed, and thanks to him, I had to spend the entire night ruminating as I dwelled inside the cat.  



  “…Was there really a reason for everything?”



  And the conclusion I reached after a long night of contemplation was the new hypothesis that there was a reason for every single one of his actions. 




  Because, the way he called himself a hero and his lonely and dismal appearance as he wept bitterly couldn’t be explained otherwise.   



  So, I tried to confront him about the truth earlier this morning.



  What is the reason he does something like that to me every night? Why does he hide his strength? Why does he vomit blood every day…  And why he has no choice but to commit evil deeds while looking so lonely and sad. 



  But this is what happened when I asked him.



  ‘…I don’t have much time.’



  From tomorrow onwards, I’ve decided to make a full-fledged plan with the Princess and the Saintess to bring down Frey and eventually kill him. So, I need to find out the truth about Frey Raon Starlight before it’s too late. 



  To decide whether to continue despising Frey and drive him to death, or to consider his situation and spare his life for one more day. 



 – Swoosh…



  With that thought in mind, I quietly stretched out my hand and summoned a large amount of dark mana from subspace. 



  This dark mana is meant for casting the black magic spell, which is the ‘curse worse than death’ that I used on Frey on the first day of my regression.


   Ever since I assumed Frey was stealing my dark mana, I invested a significant portion of my dark mana that I had been accumulating in my body on a daily basis and stored it in the subspace.



  If he was indeed stealing my dark mana, I thought if I didn’t store it on a regular basis in advance, I wouldn’t even have the dark mana left to cast the curse in the future.



  ‘…Certainly, this should be enough.’



  From now on, I intend to use this dark mana to infiltrate Frey’s subconscious and seek the truth. 



  Frey, who is the direct descendant of the legendary Star Hero, had absolute resistance to mind manipulation magic even in the previous timeline… However, it’s impossible to protect your subconscious.   



   Because the subconscious space is literally an unknown space… It’s easy to infiltrate such a place by resonating one’s dark mana that has a similar wavelength to it. 



   Also, no matter how resistant Frey is to mental attacks, he wouldn’t even be aware of the infiltration, let alone respond to it.  



   This is due to the fact that this advanced level of black magic ‘visits’ the target’s subconscious, as opposed to mind manipulation magic that ‘attacks’ the subconscious.    



  Of course, even with these benefits, it also has its fair share of drawbacks. 



  In his subconscious, I don’t know what will happen to me.



  Since the medium that allows me to invade the subconscious of a person is the dark mana of the ‘Black Magic‘, the evil and darkness of that individual will materialize and erupt from all directions



  And the ‘Administrator’ I will meet there will try to mislead me and assimilate me into his subconscious forever. 



  Of course, I have invaded people’s subconscious a few times before, so I know how to use my magic to constrain and deal with the administrator… Nevertheless, it’s a place where one should never let their guard down. 



 – Swooosh…



  As I recalled these precautions, I slowly directed the dark mana into Frey’s subconscious, but soon I paused for a moment and pondered. 



  ‘If I use this here, I will not be able to cast a curse worse than death on him…’



  This is my insurance that I had prepared as my last resort. If I use this all here to invade his subconscious… I won’t be able to cast the curse on him for the rest of my life.



  After deliberating for a moment, I eventually directed my dark mana again and muttered.

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 “…It doesn’t necessarily have to be that curse. There are still many ways to get revenge.”



  And so, after I had injected all my dark mana into Frey, which was enough to keep me stable for the next few months, I quietly closed my eyes and began to resonate with his subconscious. 



  ‘It’s such a waste of dark mana… but it doesn’t matter since I’m the one who used it.’



  And so, feeling a little dissatisfied, I was sucked into his subconscious.










  Something is wrong.



  “…Isn’t the surrounding too bright?”



  A person’s subconscious space is supposed be engulfed in darkness with all kinds of strange things usually drifting around. However, this space has a bright and serene atmosphere. 



  “No way, the magic failed… No, that can’t be right.”



  I injected all the dark mana I had gathered, as I spent every day barely crossing the threshold of death. The technique was also perfect, and seeing that my dark mana is resonating, this place is right in his subconscious mind.



  If that’s the case, why is it so bright here?








  As I nervously scanned the surroundings with that thought in mind, I quickly retreated back in surprise when I heard someone’s voice coming from below.





  “Oh, Hello sister…”



  However, there was a little kid in front of me.



  As I momentarily looked at the child with suspicion in my eyes, I cautiously asked a question. 



  “…Are you by any chance the administrator of the subconscious?”





  Then the kid replied with a bright smile.



  “By the way, how did you get here…!”


  “…Don’t move.”



  And the very next moment, I bound the little boy with magic chains.



  “Hrrk! Hrrk! I-I can’t breathe…!”





  The kid… No, Frey, in his younger form, gasped with a pitiful look on his face. However, I must never let my guard down in front of an administrator of the subconscious. 



  If one lets their guard down for even a moment, they can get caught by the administrator and will be trapped in the target’s subconscious forever. Nine out of ten administrators that I’ve met have tried to do that. 



  “…Don’t try to harm me. Don’t lie to me. Be sure to obey my orders.”





  Therefore, in order to deal with the subconscious administrators, the basic rule is to cast a spell that restricts them from attacking me, apply constraints that force them to only speak the truth in order to prevent deceptions, and the restriction that forces them to obey my every command so that I can suppress them with a single word in case of emergency.    






  As I released the magical chains binding the young Frey, he fell on his butt on the floor, and began to creep back while staring at me in horror.



  But I didn’t feel sorry for him at all.



  He bullied and abused me in that form when I first entered the Duke’s mansion. So, from my point of view, he just looked abominable. 



  “Answer my questions from now on.”




  “…Why did Frey save me yesterday?”



  When I asked a question, the young Frey rolled his eyes and then opened his mouth.



  “…Because he wanted to save you.”




  “You’re on the verge of death, so Frey tried to save you.”





  I don’t really understand. Why on earth would he do that?



  “…I don’t really understand.”




 “Frey used me as a tool… he tried to use me. There’s no way he values me like that.”


  “…Not really?”



  Hearing my words, he tilted his head and replied.



  “…Frey never thought of you as a tool, nor did he ever use you.”





“…In fact, he deeply cares for you.”






  Hearing that, I bit my lip.



  “…How on earth is that supposed to be care?”


  “Uh, that’s…”


  “If there’s even a single action he did out of care for me, say it. Something that makes sense to me.”

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  As I spoke grudgingly, the young Frey began to hesitate.



  I smirked at him and spoke in a sarcastic tone…  



  “Look at that, there isn’t any, is there? He has never been nice to me, and you are just a despicable little boy pretending to be nice. So, stop acting and show your true colors already…”


  “For example… in the previous timeline and in this timeline as well, in order to save you, he shared his own life force…”





  When the little boy answered with a timid expression, I stopped what I was saying and asked again with a bewildered expression.



  “…There’s little more to it than this. Shall we continue?”





  And as I listened to his following words, I could feel it intuitively. 



  The one who was wrong all along was actually me.   











  “U-Um… are you all right?”



  My mind went blank.



  I could hardly believe the words I heard from the young Frey, the administrator of the subconscious.   




The shocking reason why Frey cares for me.


His fate as a Hero.


The Hero’s Armament that can only be awakened by comitting evil deeds.


A world that is destined to perish because of the Demon King if Frey doesn’t destroy the world once and regress.


Frey’s Path of the False Evil System.





  “So, in the end, Frey, who awakened the Hero’s armament, will clash with the Demon King.”




  “In that battle, Frey would triumph over the Demon King with the help of the Hero’s armament. However, due to the side effects of the fully awakened Hero’s armament, in the end, it didn’t take long…”




  “…before he ran out of life force. According to the words of the former Hero mentioned in the prophetic book… After that, Frey, who didn’t have an ounce of strength left, fell on the floor, as the Main Heroines who only then realized everything held his listless body and began to shed tears…”


  “…..Stop it.”


  “…Frey looked at them with a smile brighter than ever before, and soon…”


  “……Stop it!!!!!”




  “I’m sorry… Please stop talking about that part… Please…”





  When I earnestly pleaded, the young Frey was forced to keep his mouth shut due to the magic restraints I placed on him beforehand. 



  Of course, the boy was only guilty of telling the truth… but I had no choice, because if I heard any more, I was going to lose my mind and assimilate into Frey’s subconscious.



  “…There is another thing I would like to ask.”




  “In the previous timeline, when I committed suicide right in front of him… What was his reaction..?”


  “…He cried for the fifth time in his life.”


   “…For the fifth time?”

  When I asked about the other situations, wondering how different they were, young Frey slowly began to narrate the events. 



“The first time was when Isolet’s corpse was found stone-cold at the academy.”

  “…I see.”

“At that moment, Frey, who lost his acquaintance for the first time in his life, almost gave up on his plan to commit false evil deeds.”


  “…the second?”

“The second time was when the Demon King’s army occupied the Imperial Castle, and Frey’s fiancée was killed by the Demon King in the last stand to buy time for the Imperial Princess to escape. At that time, all Frey could do was bury her mangled body in the ground.”




“The third time was when Irina Philliard was torn to pieces, leaving the Demon King with a mortal wound. There wasn’t even a corpse left at that time… so he sat there shedding tears for a long time, covered in her blood.”

  “…Just tell me the rest.”


“The fourth time was when Ferloche made sure that Imperial citizens get onboard the ship as she stayed back on land to block the Demon King’s army. The fifth time was you, and the sixth time was when he offered the Imperial Princess as a sacrifice with his own hands.”





  I can’t even imagine how much mental anguish he must have suffered. How dare I call such a person disgusting and commit suicide in front of him? 


  “The seventh time… It was during the last supper with his father before he went off to face the Demon King.”



“At that time, Frey put poison in his father’s meal to make his passing as painless as possible. His father looked at him with a warm gaze and eventually closed his eyes with a subtle smile… As he saw his father’s lifeless body fall on the table, Frey cried bitterly for a long time.”
  “…And, after dying alongside the Demon King… did he regress?”


  “…Yes. And you have already seen him cry for the eighth time, haven’t you?”



  After young Frey’s finished narrating the events, a long silence passed.



  “…Then, Is Frey unconscious because he gave me so much life force?”




 “I absorbed the life force he infused into me until he passed out… I thought it was mine, and I even wasted it using my black magic, didn’t I?”


 “Uh, that’s…”


 “I can’t believe I despised him and even planned to kill him, believing he was actually aiming for my life.. Really…”


  “…That’s a system penalty.”



  While I was blaming myself with a mocking laughter, the young Frey suddenly interrupted my monologue. 



  “If your identity as a false evil is discovered, your lifespan and vitality will be massively reduced. If that happens… the clearance rate will also be greatly reduced…”







  When I heard that, I began to vomit.






  I, an evil warlock who wields cursed black magic, used the life force he gave me to my heart’s content while he was sacrificing his own life span to save me. 



  I, who despised him so much that I was hell bent on killing him.  


  And it was me who triggered the system penalty, significantly reducing his life span and vitality, as well as the possibility of this world being saved… It’s really unbearably disgusting.  



  “Blergh… Blerghh…”



  With that thought, I lay on the floor nauseated as I threw up repeatedly. 



  “…Don’t do that.”



  However, Frey, in his youthful form, approached me and caressed my back as he spoke with a solemn expression.  



“Don’t hate yourself.”





“It’s enough for me alone to be hated.”






As he said that, his brightly smiling figure was shining like a star in harmony with the bright and serene atmosphere around him.



  After momentarily staring at him in a daze, I intuitively realized that if I talked to the administrator any longer, I would lose my mind and get assimilated into the subconscious world, so I raised my trembling hands and snapped my fingers.



“…There is dawn after every dusk.”



  So I returned to the dormitory room, listening to his soothing voice as if I woke up from a dream.




  However, Frey still had his eyes closed.













  When I opened my eyes, I saw the dormitory ceiling.



  Why is the dorm ceiling visible? Why does my mind feel so hazy?



  “…Young Master.”


  “Kania? Why are you… Ah.”



  As I nervously looked around for a while, I soon froze when I saw Kania standing with an apathetic expression in front of me.



  ‘…I’m screwed.’



  Kania has discovered my good deed.



  And it appears that the cost was higher than I had anticipated. 



  “How long have I been like this?”


  “…You’ve been like this all day.”



  Hearing those words, I glanced out the window and saw the birds merrily chirping while basking in the morning sunshine. 



  I tried to get up, but I couldn’t exert any strength in my body.






  I felt Kania’s gaze.  



  I was about to explain everything to her… but soon changed my mind.

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  If she were to learn the whole truth, she would probably suffer heart-wrenching guilt. Although it wasn’t intentional, she did put me in danger by periodically using my life forcing and triggering the system penalty.



  Of course, from the beginning I was determined to carry everything by myself, so I won’t let her suffer by revealing the truth.



  From now on, I’m going to tell her the scenario I’ve decided in case the Main Heroines ever find out about my  good deeds, so Kania feels as little guilt as possible 



Suffering is enough for me alone.



  “You’re probably wondering what’s all this about.”




  “…Then let me tell you the truth.”



  Having resolved myself, I looked at Kania with a cold gaze and said.



  “…I used you.”



  Then a crack appeared in her expression.


The Main Heroines are Trying to Kill Me

The Main Heroines are Trying to Kill Me

메인 히로인들이 나를 죽이려 한다
Score 9.2
Status: Ongoing Author: Released: 2021 Native Language: Korean
To save the hopeless Dark Fantasy World, I held back my tears and destroyed the world, then killed the Demon King and returned.   Now, I'm trying to save the world using the 'System' I gained as the 'Regressor's Privilege'...   But the Main Heroines have also awakened their memories of the previous timeline.   God dammit.


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