༺ Starting Over (1) ༻
I know we were on the second floor, but would falling headfirst knock me unconscious? It would be nice to sleep for just a month and then wake up.
I remember having a similar thought before the vacation, but it resurfaced as the vacation neared its end. Perhaps it was because I felt so desperate to escape this situation that I’d even welcome fainting.
“Mar, you can let go now…”
“No.”
“So you won’t.”
Marghetta’s firm refusal, far beyond a simple ‘no’ or ‘wait a bit longer’, made me wrap my arms back around her shoulders.
Seeing her snuggle deeper into my embrace stirred a strange new emotion within me, one different from before. I felt both grateful to her for forgiving my pathetic self and joyful that she promised to wait.
But hugging the victim and crying while apologizing for my actions was embarrassingly inappropriate. What a shameful act, especially towards someone younger than me. And when I looked down, the sight of Marghetta’s shoulder marked with shameful traces was visible.
‘I’m going crazy.’
Her wet shoulder seemed to mock me, saying, ‘Hey, what are you doing?’ It’s humiliating. Facing this vivid reminder of my embarrassing self was mortifying, but Marghetta wouldn’t let go.
Then what could I do? I couldn’t dare push Marghetta away, so I’d just have to live with a little embarrassment.
Well, honestly, it was more than just a little embarrassing.
“Carl.”
“Yes, Mar.”
“I just wanted to call you.”
I hear Marghetta giggle from within my arms.
“Could you call me Carl?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, immediately regretting my earlier words. Why did I say that during that time?
I cursed my past self. Feeling overwhelmed by intense emotions, I went and did something unthinkable under normal circumstances. If I were in my right mind, I wouldn’t have done such a thing.
Still, maybe it was okay if Marghetta was happy. Yeah, that made it alright.
“Carl.”
Feeling her rub her face against my chest, I felt even more sorry. How much had I pushed her away for her to behave like this?
“Yes, Mar. I’m here.”
I tightened my arms around Marghetta. It seems like we would be in this hug for a while.
I never expected it to last an hour, though.
***
Just a bit more, just a little longer.
I couldn’t control my urge to stay close to Carl’s arms. I had planned to stay only for a short while, but my body wouldn’t move when I tried to pull away.
Luckily, Carl didn’t push me away, which gave me the courage to pull back. It’s already been so long when I planned to stay just a bit.
“…Thank you, Carl.”
“I should be the one thanking you.”
I could stay longer in Carl’s arms, but let’s stop now. I’ve already been in his arms for too long. Holding on any longer would trouble him. Yes, it’s time to let go.
Reluctantly easing away, I finally saw Carl’s face. I hadn’t seen it while embracing him.
His expression, softer than when he first arrived, was mixed with a hint of embarrassment. It contrasted with his earlier grave appearance.
When Carl’s gaze shifted to my left shoulder, I smiled lightly and touched it.
“It’s dry now. Don’t worry.”
“…I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
I refrained from adding that I actually enjoyed it because I knew it would only embarrass him more.
But it truly was a precious moment. Carl opened up to me to the point of tears, showing that he trusts me.
‘I’ll keep this.’
From today, this dress is my treasure.
“Did I hold on to you for too long? I’m sorry, Carl. You must have a lot to do.”
As soon as Carl leaves, I’ll change to new clothes and treasure this one.
I’ll save it for another special day, one that rivaled today’s significance.
“I’m sorry for suddenly saying something strange—”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.”
He had been carrying this burden alone, never sharing it with anyone. How could finally sharing it with someone else be wrong?
It wasn’t wrong, but rather something commendable. Sharing one’s burdens allowed healing, even if it was slow.
Carl’s experiences were tragic and sad. If I show sadness too, it might burden him.
So, I smiled brightly and spoke, hoping to bring him some comfort.
“Come back whenever you want to talk, Carl.”
I’ll always be here waiting for you.
***
Today’s events weren’t just about me but also involved the hopes of many others.
— How did it go?
“I told her.”
— There’s no need for me to report to His Highness then. You’ve avoided becoming a lifetime minister.
The Minister called as soon as the sun set. Many hopes were really invested in this.
Yes, the minister deserved to know how things unfolded. If it wasn’t for him, then I’d still be keeping everything inside.
— You’re just as annoying now as you were four years ago. If it’s going to be like this, then why don’t you go back to being a Team Manager?
I briefly imagined what it would be like to have those Managers as my superiors.
‘Damn it.’
Just the thought was dizzying. The 5th Manager was okay, but having the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Managers as my bosses? That would be a nightmare.
But I didn’t respond with the usual harsh words or profanity. I understood why the Minister said that. He must have felt pity and frustration after seeing me struggle with problems I couldn’t solve alone.
This time, I owed a big debt to the Minister. I don’t want to admit it, but it was a huge debt.
“I’ll try to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
— Of course, you should.
The Minister’s response, as if it was the most obvious thing, made me laugh unintentionally.
— You’re laughing?
“I apologize.”
Of course, my laughter didn’t last long.
I quickly bowed my head, and the Minister just clicked his tongue and moved on.
— The Invincible Duke was also very worried. He’ll be relieved to hear things have been resolved.
“I’m really sorry.”
— I can’t imagine what would have happened if the Iron-blooded Duke had known about this.
His words sent a chill down my spine. If someone like the Iron-blooded Duke had found out about this incident, it wouldn’t have ended quietly.
Thankfully, it seemed that the Invincible Duke hadn’t informed the Iron-blooded Duke.
But if he had, the Iron-blooded Duke would have been furious at the scoundrel who trifled with his beloved youngest daughter.,
He would have stormed to the Capital armed, with his knights in tow. Even the Crown Prince, who would be curious about the commotion, would have opened the gates to watch.
‘I would have been broken in some way.’
They wouldn’t have killed me, but I would have ended up with broken limbs. Or worse, maybe even dead.
“I’m truly relieved he doesn’t know.”
— Thank the young lady, too. If she had cried and contacted the Iron-blooded Duke, nothing you said would have mattered.
“Yes…”
There was no denying it. I was literally risking my life by tormenting Marghetta.
A mix of gratitude and guilt, something I felt for the umpteenth time today, swirled in my heart.
“I’ll wait until Sir Carl feels comfortable. I’ll wait until then.”
Seeing how my gratitude outweighed everything else, it seemed like I was really a selfish person.
Of course, I couldn’t make Marghetta, who had already waited for over a year, wait any longer. I needed to sort out my feelings as quickly as possible.
***
Since that day, only one thing had changed.
Marghetta’s way of addressing me was the only thing that shifted.
But that one change had significant repercussions. Even the least observant person would guess something was up.
And everyone in the mansion was perceptive. This applied even to the foolish club members, except when it was related to their own love lives.
“Why don’t you show the young lady your office?”
Even the butler suggested showing Marghetta the mansion’s office, a place central to the household. This indicated that they considered her a key part of the mansion.
“It’s too soon for that.”
“Understood.”
They were already treating Marghetta like the lady of the house. It was too soon for that. We weren’t even engaged, let alone married. I’ve only just started being honest with my feelings. I need some time to breathe.
I managed to calm down the butler, who was ready to rush things. However, every servant I met greeted me with knowing looks.
And I also heard that Yuris and Sophia, the youngest maids, were especially attached to Marghetta. Were they taking sides? It was almost maddening.
“Oppa.”
Meeting Louise in such a situation was actually a relief. At least she wouldn’t complicate things further.
“I’m glad things seem to be going well for you.”
“Ah, yes.”
I nodded absentmindedly at Louise’s smiling face. Yes, things had worked out.
“It was all thanks to you. I appreciate it.”
I was referring to the conversation I had with Louise before I went to Marghetta. Although I didn’t mention Marghetta back then, Louise was sharp.
My talk about feeling sorry and wanting to open up, and then Marghetta started to call me by my name. You don’t need to be exceptionally perceptive to notice the connection.
“You’re the one who did everything, oppa. You’re amazing.”
“It’s embarrassing to be called that.”
“Ahaha, is that so?”
Seeing Louise laugh made a smile appear on my face.
The Minister, the Invincible Duke, and Louise. Without even one of them, I would still be keeping my mouth shut, holding on to the strange idea of ‘bearing everything alone to avoid burdening others.’
‘What a fool I was.’
It was clear to me now. Keeping silent back then was foolish.
The gratitude I felt for Louise grew in proportion to the length of that dark history. It was all thanks to her that my ongoing dark history could be turned into the past.
“I’m really grateful.”
I patted Louise’s shoulder while expressing my heartfelt thanks.
“What I did is nothing compared to what oppa did for me.”
What a kind heart she had.
If only the club members were half as good as their leader.
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